Marcus, just read your post about "poor communicators"....like the guy who asks questions only to begun a debate, or only to express their views, and then shouts louder and louder. I agree totally with your viewpoint. I usually like to remind them that Hitler was famous for shouting down others during debates. And he only won them because he simply intimidated the other person into stopping and ceding victory. That usually does nicely for me to shut them up. :)
I no longer live in New Hampshire, btw. Depending on the time of year, you could call the area in which I now reside either heaven or hell. I can't complain since hell lasts all of three months (give or take a few weeks). Usually, I don't mind the 120+ degree temps, but today...a mild 110 degrees by comparison...it was stifling. It's monsoon so unlike spring, fall and winter, the humidity leaps from next to nothing up to 36%...which if you aren't used to, feels very heavy. I've had nearly seven years to acclimatize to this environment...which is Arizona btw...and to my dismay recently I've discovered myself perfectly at home in air conditioning and shivering violently from cold when I'm outside, freshly out of the pool and the ambient air temperature is past the hundred mark.
If my pool dips below 80 degrees...I stick my toe in and go "Oh brrrrr!!"
Wimp, huh?
Monsoon makes the heat worth it though. Every late afternoon, like clockwork, the thunderheads will build up on the Mogollan Rim to the northeast and the whole valley will shake with the reverberations of thunder and eye-blinding lightning flashes from every direction. You hold your face up...sniffing the scent of ozone on the wind. Will we get rain...will it miss us? Sometimes you are rewarded for your wishful thinking and a dusty rain will fall at first, washing the air, and as it becomes clean it carries the distinct scents of sagebrush and cattle manure. :)
If you aren't one of the few blessed in the valley to see rain...and the wind kicks up just right...you are rewarded with a great cloud of sand, rolling in like a tsunami, engulfing trees and buildings within it's yellowish murk. Just once, I bore the brunt of it...blinking my eyes to keep the dust from getting past the lashes...it was just a little dirt storm. But then....I tasted the air and okay....it didn't just smell of cattle manure...and that cured my urge to be outdoors.
Most of the time...the storm will head toward another part of the valley leaving you to stand there feeling rather dejected as the thunder rumbles away from you. It's kind of cool though to think that the valley is bigger than any storm...hah!
I go home every once in a while...holidays and just to see Toni, get some chicken tenders at the Back Room or real seafood. One of these days I have to do it in the summer...going back for the holidays just about kills me these days with snow...brrr! And that time of year....New England is so depressing to look at...all grey, black and white. I'd rather be back here...where the temperature is perfect, palm trees grace the horizon and everyone carries a gun. Everyone.
I'll tell you the story of my adventures at the firing range next time.
My apologies for being rather harsh in my last reply. I meant no offense. My sense of humor has a tendency to be rather facetious and I forget that in text it can come off as sounding rather judgemental.
Forgiveness...you do pick some rather weighty topics don't you? I'm not sure I've ever forgiven anyone for what I consider to be a major trespass (as opposed to people that accidentally step on your foot for example). But on the other hand, I don't go around carrying a grudge either. I just let it go. It isn't forgiven, it isn't forgotten...but for some reason, I just don't feel it's my place to absolve or punish a person, even when I've been the recipient of the action. I think that the universe is a great equalizer and eventually everyone will be held accountable for their actions. You reap what you sow...and if at some point in your life, you begin to sow something worthwhile and for the benefit of those around you, rather than for yourself, I think it begins to pay back the karmic debt.
All things happen for a reason...both good and bad. It's what you take away from either experience and give back that matters. It's always a choice to be bitter or to be happy...and I'd rather be happy, so I try not to focus on things that are negative. I can be serious when I have to be...but it's definitely not my natural state.
If this reply sounds a bit disjointed it's because I'm writing it in fits and spurts, in between other things.
Yesterday, I tripped and fell into the pool with all my clothes on. The fact that it is an aboveground pool and that I had to climb the ladder and remove my shoes BEFORE I tripped and fell into the pool is irrelevant. It was hot and I was close to passing out. My fault entirely...only an idiot such as myself would attempt to garden in 109 degree heat. Although I spent most of the time in the shadiest part of the yard, it didn't matter. Pretty soon I was sucking water from the hose like a camel and perspiring it just as quickly.
Once I had that last plant in place...I was a bit dizzy...which explains the tripping...for the most part.
Thanks for writing! I finished the transcription for your post.
I guess I had not considered forgiveness in the way you describe it. I always thought it important to express remorse (only if sincere) to give relief to the person who was hurt by my actions. Thanks for presenting a different perspective.
As someone who has been hurt, and then asked for forgiveness by the person who hurt me, I can clearly see the point you make that the request is self-centered. I like to believe that I can and would forgive anyone for any reason, but when I sense the request for forgiveness is not to relieve my pain, but instead to relieve the guilt/pain of the person who hurt me, it leaves me feeling empty. It makes me weary of my ability to trust (that person).
I like the simplicity of your statement to those you truly love - thanking them for just being themselves. That is a far deeper emotion than an apology could evoke.
Thanks for a beautiful, thought-provoking blog entry!
Thanks for your inspirational post here, "THE GOD GIVEN COMPULSION TO WRITE." I assure you that your posts are read. As you may or may not know, the nature of the Internet and blogs in general is one of selfishness of the reader. We read and read and may find a lot of value in a post, but very few of us write the author to thank them for their post. I've been on both sides of this -- a writer and reader. So I can understand the feeling of "does anyone read this stuff?" I've found that most of the time, they will read it long after it was fresh on your mind. So, if I may, Id like to give the advice of simply writing for future readers. Even if it seems like no one is reading now, they are, and more will in the future when you've long moved on to other subjects.
I'm not one to have lengthy conversations on spirituality, other than to thank you for the message of this post -- namely taking our eyes off of God to pursue worldly desires.
Thanks for writing! I finished the transcription for your post. Hope this gets you more viewers from Google (as someone else's transcription helped me find one of your other posts through Google. -- John
Just wanted to send a note that your blog about daily prison life was extremely interesting. Even though I understand (as much as I can) that it can be repetitive and at times boring, your blog is one of the only blogs online that truly give a time-by-time account of a standard day. I was talking to a friend the other day about this subject, and that inspired me to search for information on ordinary days in prison, tips on prison life (ie surviving in prison) etc.
Your writing was very well presented and entertaining. I also think you express your thoughts on what you're going through in a similar manner that I would, which made it more interesting. I hope to see more from you on here. I will also transcribe some of your posts to help out with search engine optimization to help you get some more viewers.
I had a quick question, if you don't mind. You kinda glossed over the bit about the guy who got pissed about your elbow going over his tray. You said:
"The thought to apologize crossed my mind, but there's one thing I've learned since I've been in prison and that is whether it's an officer or an inmate, no matter how much reasoning is behind your actions or how much sincerity is behind your apology, it will never be appreciated."
...so what did you do? I'm curious about this type of scenario. As in this situation -- do you stay quiet and avoid confrontation but get labeled as weak? Or do you argue back, start a fight, all over that comment...but you get a rep for NOT being weak?
Great blog, again. Thanks for sharing that slice of your life.
HI Allan, I was glad to hear you reference Pema Chodron. Do you have access to her books? I have been listening to her lectures from "Noble Heart." She teaches to take our fears and to place them into our loving kindness.
I admire your perseverance on this difficult path you are on. Thank you for your blogs to lend insight into your experiences.
RSS
John
I no longer live in New Hampshire, btw. Depending on the time of year, you could call the area in which I now reside either heaven or hell. I can't complain since hell lasts all of three months (give or take a few weeks). Usually, I don't mind the 120+ degree temps, but today...a mild 110 degrees by comparison...it was stifling. It's monsoon so unlike spring, fall and winter, the humidity leaps from next to nothing up to 36%...which if you aren't used to, feels very heavy. I've had nearly seven years to acclimatize to this environment...which is Arizona btw...and to my dismay recently I've discovered myself perfectly at home in air conditioning and shivering violently from cold when I'm outside, freshly out of the pool and the ambient air temperature is past the hundred mark.
If my pool dips below 80 degrees...I stick my toe in and go "Oh brrrrr!!"
Wimp, huh?
Monsoon makes the heat worth it though. Every late afternoon, like clockwork, the thunderheads will build up on the Mogollan Rim to the northeast and the whole valley will shake with the reverberations of thunder and eye-blinding lightning flashes from every direction. You hold your face up...sniffing the scent of ozone on the wind. Will we get rain...will it miss us? Sometimes you are rewarded for your wishful thinking and a dusty rain will fall at first, washing the air, and as it becomes clean it carries the distinct scents of sagebrush and cattle manure. :)
If you aren't one of the few blessed in the valley to see rain...and the wind kicks up just right...you are rewarded with a great cloud of sand, rolling in like a tsunami, engulfing trees and buildings within it's yellowish murk. Just once, I bore the brunt of it...blinking my eyes to keep the dust from getting past the lashes...it was just a little dirt storm. But then....I tasted the air and okay....it didn't just smell of cattle manure...and that cured my urge to be outdoors.
Most of the time...the storm will head toward another part of the valley leaving you to stand there feeling rather dejected as the thunder rumbles away from you. It's kind of cool though to think that the valley is bigger than any storm...hah!
I go home every once in a while...holidays and just to see Toni, get some chicken tenders at the Back Room or real seafood. One of these days I have to do it in the summer...going back for the holidays just about kills me these days with snow...brrr! And that time of year....New England is so depressing to look at...all grey, black and white. I'd rather be back here...where the temperature is perfect, palm trees grace the horizon and everyone carries a gun. Everyone.
I'll tell you the story of my adventures at the firing range next time.
Spryte
My apologies for being rather harsh in my last reply. I meant no offense. My sense of humor has a tendency to be rather facetious and I forget that in text it can come off as sounding rather judgemental.
Forgiveness...you do pick some rather weighty topics don't you? I'm not sure I've ever forgiven anyone for what I consider to be a major trespass (as opposed to people that accidentally step on your foot for example). But on the other hand, I don't go around carrying a grudge either. I just let it go. It isn't forgiven, it isn't forgotten...but for some reason, I just don't feel it's my place to absolve or punish a person, even when I've been the recipient of the action. I think that the universe is a great equalizer and eventually everyone will be held accountable for their actions. You reap what you sow...and if at some point in your life, you begin to sow something worthwhile and for the benefit of those around you, rather than for yourself, I think it begins to pay back the karmic debt.
All things happen for a reason...both good and bad. It's what you take away from either experience and give back that matters. It's always a choice to be bitter or to be happy...and I'd rather be happy, so I try not to focus on things that are negative. I can be serious when I have to be...but it's definitely not my natural state.
If this reply sounds a bit disjointed it's because I'm writing it in fits and spurts, in between other things.
Yesterday, I tripped and fell into the pool with all my clothes on. The fact that it is an aboveground pool and that I had to climb the ladder and remove my shoes BEFORE I tripped and fell into the pool is irrelevant. It was hot and I was close to passing out. My fault entirely...only an idiot such as myself would attempt to garden in 109 degree heat. Although I spent most of the time in the shadiest part of the yard, it didn't matter. Pretty soon I was sucking water from the hose like a camel and perspiring it just as quickly.
Once I had that last plant in place...I was a bit dizzy...which explains the tripping...for the most part.
I guess I had not considered forgiveness in the way you describe it. I always thought it important to express remorse (only if sincere) to give relief to the person who was hurt by my actions. Thanks for presenting a different perspective.
As someone who has been hurt, and then asked for forgiveness by the person who hurt me, I can clearly see the point you make that the request is self-centered. I like to believe that I can and would forgive anyone for any reason, but when I sense the request for forgiveness is not to relieve my pain, but instead to relieve the guilt/pain of the person who hurt me, it leaves me feeling empty. It makes me weary of my ability to trust (that person).
I like the simplicity of your statement to those you truly love - thanking them for just being themselves. That is a far deeper emotion than an apology could evoke.
Thanks for a beautiful, thought-provoking blog entry!
I'm not one to have lengthy conversations on spirituality, other than to thank you for the message of this post -- namely taking our eyes off of God to pursue worldly desires.
Take care,
John
Just wanted to send a note that your blog about daily prison life was extremely interesting. Even though I understand (as much as I can) that it can be repetitive and at times boring, your blog is one of the only blogs online that truly give a time-by-time account of a standard day. I was talking to a friend the other day about this subject, and that inspired me to search for information on ordinary days in prison, tips on prison life (ie surviving in prison) etc.
Your writing was very well presented and entertaining. I also think you express your thoughts on what you're going through in a similar manner that I would, which made it more interesting. I hope to see more from you on here. I will also transcribe some of your posts to help out with search engine optimization to help you get some more viewers.
I had a quick question, if you don't mind. You kinda glossed over the bit about the guy who got pissed about your elbow going over his tray. You said:
"The thought to apologize crossed my mind, but there's one thing I've learned since I've been in prison and that is whether it's an officer or an inmate, no matter how much reasoning is behind your actions or how much sincerity is behind your apology, it will never be appreciated."
...so what did you do? I'm curious about this type of scenario. As in this situation -- do you stay quiet and avoid confrontation but get labeled as weak? Or do you argue back, start a fight, all over that comment...but you get a rep for NOT being weak?
Great blog, again. Thanks for sharing that slice of your life.
John
I was glad to hear you reference Pema Chodron. Do you have access to her books? I have been listening to her lectures from "Noble Heart." She teaches to take our fears and to place them into our loving kindness.
I admire your perseverance on this difficult path you are on. Thank you for your blogs to lend insight into your experiences.
Lisa