Shes never out right asked "wheres my dad" but I know one day I have to explain it. I don't want to say welll he really didnt care about us, hes a heroin addict who steals and shoots at people so hes most likely in jail. So I googled it to see what to do! Its crazy because I have seen addiction I know what it does I know how hard it is to over come and I have empathy and sympathy for everyone and anyone on anything, EXCEPT for him, I have zero. There is no excuse for not pulling his self together for my daughter. (Sorry that was a rant but he really upsets me) But yea that's how I found your blog! I though it was pretty cool that they would give you guys an outlet to speak to the world. Then I realized it was you, I just had to say something. The love that you have for Krista, it just breaks my heart that here is this man, who aches for his kid, would do anything to be with her, why wouldn't my daughters father do the same? He had a chance to right his wrongs... several times... and he chose not to, you don't even get the chance and I bet if they let you go today you'd never look back, on the strength of your daughter. It's just crazy. Well now that I have told you damn near my life story lol I guess we do know each other lol! I'll keep in touch here and there if you promise to keep your head up! I know you said you feel forgotten sometimes, but I know Bev, Krista and J.J. for sure need you to stay strong, you are important, and even though time moves on, friends fade (it happens on the outside too!) the people that really matter will always need and want you there. Talk to you soon and God bless!
Hey Robbie! I was so happy to see you received my post! I didnt realize to communicate through this site actually takes longer than the usual snail/jail mail lol! I hoped that a small note could make you feel a lil better,not that I said anything spectacular or life changing but sometimes a little kindness goes a long way! I'm really sorry about your mom, and I know serious the diagnosis is but one thing I know about Bev, she is a tough cookie! One of the strongest women I have ever met... a survivor... everything will be ok. Send my love to her! (She might not remember me its been a long time!) Now that I think of it Dawn helped me out right before that with a Halloween costume for my son that year, I think it was one of her oldest sons (Ronnie?), a black skeleton with blue bones. Everyone in your family was good to me, really nice people. I'm glad I could thank J.J. again through you. Times were unbelievably rough back then and Kelly was around a lot for me, we had been friends since we were 12 and she was really supportive, but then J.J. who I had pretty much just met, but knew he was going through hell in his life too, did that for us, I was like, wow, what a seriously amazing person. Kelly and J.J. were a mess together for sure, but they both have hearts of gold! I'm glad to see J.J. is doing good and his daughter is beautiful! I wish him and his family all the best! As for Justine, she was awesome too, I didnt graduate with her she was older I graduated 2 yrs after. I didnt see her too much outside of school, we lived on opposite sides of Bensalem, and after her graduation I never saw her again. I just remember that smile, her laugh, and that blonde hair and glasses! I think I have one of her old school pics, black shirt and headband, ill look for it! Just know that she is ALWAYS with you, its true! Oh and you asked what made me google prison dad... My daughter who is now 8 has a father who has been in and out since we were 17, we are now 32. He came out on a 5 yr trip upstate at 22 he knew my sons father had passed and promised me he'd take care of us, we were best friends as kids and I was the only one who stayed consistent with visits from bucks, to Graterford, to Camphill, to Smithfield (which is realllly freaking far) to some place in Chester and letters all the time no matter where I was in life, my sons father hated him and always fought with me for keeping in touch with him. He comes home I have a baby and he starts getting high, you know the rest i'm sure. Happens all the time, anyways he has been gone since she was 2 and I have a fiancee who is amazing to her (we have been together for 6 years so its all she knows) but she knows that's not her dad (mostly because they are different races) I know for a while she thought my sons dad who passed away, was her dad, but I had to tell her that's just his dad. ITS SO COMPLICATED! (Continued on next post, too long for 1 post)
I override my pride head held high and run back in, mind set to win but my heart slow to begin. From fear of being hurt again not trying to pretend, That I was yet another special kind of fool in the end....
If death couldn't defeat me then how could these walls? I absolutely love that line!! Its amazing how heavy a heart and mind speak.. You do the time don't let the time do you!. Take care
I think its important to offer that decision to the children instead of forcing it. I for one let my children decide whether or not the distance and time that separated them for so long was repairable. You see it wasnt my choice as to whether or not they were going to forgive them but it was my job to allow them that opportunity. I wish your family the best of luck !
Paper images capture only the shadows of her sweetness but love does not escape me I miss her.. quite possibly the most beautiful thing I've read in a long time.. Unconditional love is a beautiful thing and your blessed to have been able to experience it. Dont be sad that its gone, be happy that it happened.
Daniel, first off excellent post! I too believe in "restoration" being on both sides of the fence I now know what people go through. I was an advocate for addicts of all walks of life and I found myself defending my clients due to the lack of help that they received and the lack of injustice in the system. Then I found myself defending myself in similar circumstances. I promised to be a voice on the outside because people tend to forget that inmates are still people and not just an inmate number. Continue your research and be that voice! Looking forward to reading more of your blogs!
Dear Rich, I just read your post regarding the cost of incarceration when prisoners are not allowed to work. I have copied it on to a page that will start your chapter in our book - if you agree. I would appreciate it if you could write more about the way prisoners (you and/or others)- or your loved ones - are mistreated, manipulated, etc directly as the result of people thinking felons are worthless, subhuman, inferior, etc. Can you quote anyone who has said something belittling or hurtful specifically because they believe all prisoners are trash? If so, please give details about what happened before, during and after that. I'd also like to hear about the first time you understood the concept of prison - how old were you, who explained it and why, etc, and the first time you pictured yourself as going to prison. these are pretty person questions, so please feel free to omit personal anything you would not feel uncomfortable sharing. Felonism is a practice that has crept up on our nation, and most people just don't realize they are victims or participants because it's a new word. That's just like me not identifying myself as a racist when I was a kid (how could I not be initially since everyone around me a racist). Once I found out what the word meant, I still didn't see myself as having racist thoughts because it was just a normal part of my social group. It's like a fish not knowing what water is because it's such a constant, normal part of their life. If fish suddenly find themselves out of water, then they know what it was/is. So we want true stories that make felonism clear to everyone, but each person needs to take an objective look at their past to really be able to identify it in their past. There are even people who have felonies who are felonists - they have a negative view of prisoners because that is what's normal in their world - I had retired from teaching when we coined the term, but I already knew some students & parents treated me like I was a CO. Looking back from a distance, I can see how much honest conversations about felonism would have helped students feel more comfortable with teachers, staff, and other kids and made them more willing to learn for themselves. This may be a good question to consider: how do you know when a CO is trying to "keep you in your place - low on the food chain so to speak" verses trying to get you to comply with the rules so you (you being a generic term) will be more successful when you get out? I hope this is not too confusing or rambling. You are welcome to send your answers to me at P. O. Box 128071, Nashville, TN 37212. Will the DOC allow me to enclose a few stamps in a letter to cover your costs of correspondence?
Dear Mr. Muise, I can't thank you enough with all your effort in helping "B" and I. I actually got a letter from one of the governor's council opposing Wall...so I was happy! "B" will have a copy soon as I intend to mail it to him this week. Once again thank you so much, may God always bless you,
Hi Dymitri, No, I'm not an admin for this site...and I don't know what a "sysop" is so I'm definitely not one of those (or at least I don't think I am)! I just happened upon this site and decided to transcribe a few blog posts. These quotes from the Between the Bars page may help you understand my comment on transcription:
"Between the Bars relies on visitors to transcribe its bloggers' posts. You can help us out by signing up and logging in, and starting to transcribe posts that interest you. Transcriptions make the blogs more accessible to search engines, translators and visitors."
"Transcriptions make posts more accessible to readers with visual disabilities, search engines, and can help greatly in cases of difficult handwriting or poor typewriters."
Hopefully this information is useful to you. I look forward to reading your future posts. -Melanie
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I was so happy to see you received my post! I didnt realize to communicate through this site actually takes longer than the usual snail/jail mail lol! I hoped that a small note could make you feel a lil better,not that I said anything spectacular or life changing but sometimes a little kindness goes a long way! I'm really sorry about your mom, and I know serious the diagnosis is but one thing I know about Bev, she is a tough cookie! One of the strongest women I have ever met... a survivor... everything will be ok. Send my love to her! (She might not remember me its been a long time!) Now that I think of it Dawn helped me out right before that with a Halloween costume for my son that year, I think it was one of her oldest sons (Ronnie?), a black skeleton with blue bones. Everyone in your family was good to me, really nice people. I'm glad I could thank J.J. again through you. Times were unbelievably rough back then and Kelly was around a lot for me, we had been friends since we were 12 and she was really supportive, but then J.J. who I had pretty much just met, but knew he was going through hell in his life too, did that for us, I was like, wow, what a seriously amazing person. Kelly and J.J. were a mess together for sure, but they both have hearts of gold! I'm glad to see J.J. is doing good and his daughter is beautiful! I wish him and his family all the best! As for Justine, she was awesome too, I didnt graduate with her she was older I graduated 2 yrs after. I didnt see her too much outside of school, we lived on opposite sides of Bensalem, and after her graduation I never saw her again. I just remember that smile, her laugh, and that blonde hair and glasses! I think I have one of her old school pics, black shirt and headband, ill look for it! Just know that she is ALWAYS with you, its true! Oh and you asked what made me google prison dad... My daughter who is now 8 has a father who has been in and out since we were 17, we are now 32. He came out on a 5 yr trip upstate at 22 he knew my sons father had passed and promised me he'd take care of us, we were best friends as kids and I was the only one who stayed consistent with visits from bucks, to Graterford, to Camphill, to Smithfield (which is realllly freaking far) to some place in Chester and letters all the time no matter where I was in life, my sons father hated him and always fought with me for keeping in touch with him. He comes home I have a baby and he starts getting high, you know the rest i'm sure. Happens all the time, anyways he has been gone since she was 2 and I have a fiancee who is amazing to her (we have been together for 6 years so its all she knows) but she knows that's not her dad (mostly because they are different races) I know for a while she thought my sons dad who passed away, was her dad, but I had to tell her that's just his dad. ITS SO COMPLICATED! (Continued on next post, too long for 1 post)
back in,
mind set to win
but my heart slow to begin.
From fear of being hurt again
not trying to pretend,
That I was yet another special kind of fool
in the end....
Very deep
I just read your post regarding the cost of incarceration when prisoners are not allowed to work. I have copied it on to a page that will start your chapter in our book - if you agree. I would appreciate it if you could write more about the way prisoners (you and/or others)- or your loved ones - are mistreated, manipulated, etc directly as the result of people thinking felons are worthless, subhuman, inferior, etc. Can you quote anyone who has said something belittling or hurtful specifically because they believe all prisoners are trash? If so, please give details about what happened before, during and after that. I'd also like to hear about the first time you understood the concept of prison - how old were you, who explained it and why, etc, and the first time you pictured yourself as going to prison. these are pretty person questions, so please feel free to omit personal anything you would not feel uncomfortable sharing. Felonism is a practice that has crept up on our nation, and most people just don't realize they are victims or participants because it's a new word. That's just like me not identifying myself as a racist when I was a kid (how could I not be initially since everyone around me a racist). Once I found out what the word meant, I still didn't see myself as having racist thoughts because it was just a normal part of my social group. It's like a fish not knowing what water is because it's such a constant, normal part of their life. If fish suddenly find themselves out of water, then they know what it was/is. So we want true stories that make felonism clear to everyone, but each person needs to take an objective look at their past to really be able to identify it in their past. There are even people who have felonies who are felonists - they have a negative view of prisoners because that is what's normal in their world - I had retired from teaching when we coined the term, but I already knew some students & parents treated me like I was a CO. Looking back from a distance, I can see how much honest conversations about felonism would have helped students feel more comfortable with teachers, staff, and other kids and made them more willing to learn for themselves. This may be a good question to consider: how do you know when a CO is trying to "keep you in your place - low on the food chain so to speak" verses trying to get you to comply with the rules so you (you being a generic term) will be more successful when you get out? I hope this is not too confusing or rambling. You are welcome to send your answers to me at P. O. Box 128071, Nashville, TN 37212. Will the DOC allow me to enclose a few stamps in a letter to cover your costs of correspondence?
I can't thank you enough with all your effort in helping "B" and I. I actually got a letter from one of the governor's council opposing Wall...so I was happy! "B" will have a copy soon as I intend to mail it to him this week. Once again thank you so much, may God always bless you,
Sincerely,
Mrs. "B"
"Between the Bars relies on visitors to transcribe its bloggers' posts. You can help us out by signing up and logging in, and starting to transcribe posts that interest you. Transcriptions make the blogs more accessible to search engines, translators and visitors."
"Transcriptions make posts more accessible to readers with visual disabilities, search engines, and can help greatly in cases of difficult handwriting or poor typewriters."
Hopefully this information is useful to you. I look forward to reading your future posts. -Melanie