uploaded March 31, 2015.
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Dealing with Sexual Abuse
Hi, everyone. In my last blog, I told you about how I was molested by my step-father from the age 4-11 and how I was raped just a couple years ago. Well, this time I will tell you how I deal with it.
First off, it still affects me in every relationship I have, even in my friendships. I feel or felt like the only thing I have to offer anyone is sex and I don't think I have ever said no to anyone who wanted to have sex with me. I believe I might be a clinical nymphomaniac. For the longest time I hated myself and I attempted to kill myself many times. My family had me hospitalized many times.
For years I hated my step-father and, at the same time, I didn't understand why he didn't love me. I still can't cope with being around older men. It makes me very uncomfortable. Finally, I forgave him for everything he did to me because I realized that somebody done something horrible to him.
The guys involved in raping me a couple of years ago... Well, I have been diagnosed with PTSD and I flashback to the event often. I'm ashamed and I feel like I'm less of a man. The psych doctors keep telling me the pain of being rape will fade and eventually I'll get back to the life I had before it happened. I don't know. I do know I'm scared and uncomfortable around gang members.
I deal with it day to day. I try to help others who have gone through the same thing. I would like to talk to someone about it, but in here, I'm afraid to encourage some other predator. This is a very dangerous place I'm in and you can't really trust anyone else. Hopefully, one day, I will get better or get over it.
Take care of yourselves.
Peace :)
Donny
✖
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