SHIRLEYWORLD UPDATES
"Let The Bullets Fly!"
Chapter XXXXV

By Timothy J. Muise
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CORRUPTION GUARD APPRECIATION WEEK / BACK IN YOUR CAGES

Well here we are at another Corruptional Employee Appreciation Day celebration, or as we like to call it here at ShirleyWorld, "The slopping of the pigs." They have put up the Circus Tent and the clowns are out in the parking lot eating steak tips and hot dogs (the long way) while Rubber Stamp Wry-On has the Beatles Tribute Band "Helter Skelter" playing the White Album song "Piggies" from the soundstage of her Ivory Tower. The funniest part of this whole week is that the guards get pissed off that the "suits" also get appreciated this week. You see the guards, wasting oxygen with every breath, feel they are better than the administrative suits; it is kind of like the hogs seeing themselves better than the wild board; pork is pork! The guards love this shit; they feed their fat budweiser faces while they also get to lock us prisoners in our cages. One of the funnier aspects of this whole sham is that these pigs eat like Ethiopian refugees who just blazed some 25% THC Ganga! You would think they never had a good meal in their life. Now I am not one to be making fun of fat folk as I don't miss too many meals myself (blessed by the best) but I do have to say these turkeys jump on a free meal like a super bowl fumble. I'm not certain but I think they may even have some "custom" dishes to serve to individual troth slurpers. They have the Walks and Ground Beef "King" burger with a side of Scum fries. You can order the Deputy Denied-Oh extra plump Ham Hocks or the Rubber Stamp well heeled filet of Cole Hahn Sole with savory Nuremburg sauce. You can have the IPS Steak "Tips" with informant pilaf. But probably the best meal of all is the Captain Shebert "Mock Marine Sandwich" which consists of a slab of fresh bullshit between two stalking victim buns. Society sometimes gets it wrong and they sure fucked up when they felt it OK to honor these bums. I'm certain in Germany, not too many yeas ago, they had Nazi Appreciation Week and in Cambodia there was probably a Khmer Rouge Appreciation Week as well. In hindsight they were probably not the best of ideas, I'm just sayin'. What will be next, ISIS Appreciation Week or Beat an Innocent Black Man Month? Too bad they would just not rent a permanent tent that would encompass the whole ShirleyWorld complex and just let the hogs slop off the troth all yea long; it would not be any bigger waste of taxpayer dollars than what they do to diminish public safety now. Kelly Rubber Shamp Wry-On is trying to book Jimmy Buffet for the final "slopdown" on Friday. He will perform his "Cheeseburger In Paradise" tune from the Ivory Tower Soundstage while Deputy Denied-Oh brings back that old dance "The Bump" in an attempt to knock down the structurally unsound chowhall.

CO HASBEEN BLAMES WRONG "TEAM" / EFFECTS OF BRAINWASHING TAKING TOLL

WE ARE PLEASED TO REPORT: that CO Hasbeen (she "Hasbeen" thoroughly brainwashed by the male guards about their "worth") has recovered from the Greg The Hammer Valentine elbow that she took to the mug when Lt. Smell-Her dragged her into an unnecessary fight with a just tryin' to do the right thing second degree lifer. A very sad story; not because a female guard took an elbow to the face (her "tough guy" talk signed her up for that) but because a convict who was just trying to do his time was absolutely harrassed by a "new sheriff in town" cowboy who is another ShirleyWorld tough guy without a win and felt he could just fuck with a man as he was using the toilet. Now this kid will probably lose his parole and his family will suffer for many more years to come. This does not matter at ShirleyWorld as we are "less than human" here. The sad news does is that CO Hasbeen is blaming "all ons" for the elbow Lt. Smell-her (her got one "smell" of "her" and was on extra cowboy status) caused her to eat. She is taking the brainwashing hard, you can see it all over her face, but when you make that decision to feed your teenaged daughter by being a screw it is hard to admit you fucked up. It is hard to admit that your job is making a horrible and depressed human being. Your "friends" hang panties in Sgt. Fornicators office with your name written on them. They photoshop porn star photos, all orifices in use, with your face and pass them around. How did they get your employee photo? Must have been a Captain, probably the one who stalks you, who made the heist possible. Lt. Smell-Her gets you knocked out but it is every con in the joints fault. Smell the free troth slop and get your shit together girl. You done be duped by the racist, sexist, drunken ShirleyWorld finest and the longer you suppress it, the more your mug is gonna look like 9 miles of bad road. Eats ya from the inside out (and not in the way Captain Shebert would like to slip you a "roofy" and have at it). Blood money may pay bills but it don't satisfy the needs of the soul. You sacrifice your soul to the DOC. Is that a fair tradeoff? Maybe Rubber Stamp Wry-On can book Carlos Santana to play Soul Sacrifice for you at your early funeral, insides rotted from their lies. Don't blame me Argentina. Check the mirror, but brace yourself first.

RUBBER STAMP WRY-ON JUMPS OFF 3-!! SHIFT LIKE IT IS THE TITANIC
Her Majesty of the Seas (HMS) has jumped off the ongoing recidivism creating problems of her 3-11 shift here at ShirleyWorld like they were the HMS Titanic rats after the iceberg collision. Her lieutenants can "write policy memos" and "authorize" their posting in the housing units. Lt. Shameless Peckerwood(head) can harrass men on the walkway, creating daily climate issues, while Well Heeled Kelly, Cole Hahns hot from trotting, prays to the God of correctional cover-ups that the shit don't hit the proverbial fan; might jeopardize the retirement pay boosting scam she is hatching (along with her head-in-the-sand ostrich egg). Lt. McHardly can continue to attempt to create a "brew-ha-ha" in the chowhall by overcrowding it, and then go and sleep it off in the school'd building. I hope he don't get stuck to the chair that Principal Ho-Hum used to "discipline" his Kama Sutra student Lt. Urine in; known as the "Iron Maiden" to those in the know. Lt. Pepe LaDouche is allowed to do all he can to stop old and dying men from attempting to access their life sustaining medications, but our Pirate Queen of the Ocean Blue stands upon her Ivory Tower soundstage and bellows: "Avast there CRA failures!" and "Shiver me timbers ESL drop-outs!" and "Abandon Ship (and hope!) all ye who enter here!" We all know that it is our Queen, our Monarch of the Great Blue Seat, who should be made to walk the plank, but the sad reality is that she is no different than any of those other well heeled feminist rejects who inhabit the corruption system; they forfeit their maternal instinct for that blood money the department pays them. Her next band booked for the Ivory Tower Concert Series is Lowell George's Little Feat who will sing their chart buster, "Sailing Shoes", as Rubber Stamp snugs on her Prada pumps and sails off into the retirement horizons. She could redeem herself, save herself from the sure doom of Davey Jone's Locker, by making a clean sweep of the detritus that is the 3-11 shift leadership, but that would take gumption: a quality not seen too often in ShirleyWorld. Deterge the detritus oh Queen! Set sail for Gumption Island!

THE VOTES ARE IN: BY OVERWHELMING MARGIN - "PECKERWOOD" is now "PECKERHEAD"
In a landslide victory, an overwhelming margin of defeat, the name Lt. Peckerhead has been voted to "transplant" Lt. Peckerwood as the term of endearment for our urinalysis failing, bitch slap taking, panic button hitting, fool of corruptional idiocy Lt. Shameless Peckerhead. His image on Google Earth satellite fotage could not be clearer; he resesembles a gigantic cock with the personality to match. The fans have spoken and here at the blog, at Free Speech Central, we will honor their wishes. From this point forward the coward of the county, the ShirleyWorld court jester, the Bozo of the Shirley Big Top, will be known as Lt. Peckerhead. Rubber STamp Wry-On has agreed to have his melon circumcised in honor of the new title. This reconstructive surgery may remove the scratch marks left behind from when Sgt. Messy-her bitch slapped the sunglasses right off Peckerhead's head and then Lt. Peckerhead "dry snitched" his "corruptional brother" for the next two hours to anyone who would listen. Real stand up guy this Shameless Peckerhead. MCOFU's Pullitizer Prize Winning Publication "Around The Block" calls Lt. Peckerhead, "A real still member of correctional wisdom.", while the Fitchburg/Leominster Gossip Tabloid credits him for generously pushing in stools at the Manhole Lounge. Our sources, inside and outside, will keep an eye on things: be certain of that!

More to come...