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 Welcome to My Newly Revised Page (Aug. 6, 2012) |
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Reply ID; pw9x
Nicki,
I just got your message and I'm glad that you've enjoyed some of my post.
You're right, a lot of us just want to be heard, like anyone else who speaks. As I said, my blog is a very important part of how I reach out to the world, so I do my best to talk about things that people from all walks of life can relate to. To be hones,t when you're incarcerated, it can prove or disprove the deepness of a relationship. Being incarcerated for six years, the only person who has been there for me emotionally is my mother. No one has been there financially, which is cool because I've always taken care of that aspect of my life. My mother is the only person who has come to visit me, and that showed me how relationships change when you're incarcerated.
I was with a female for five years and was planning to get married. But when I got arrested, she was the first to leave. I couldn't believe it so I wrote to her and asked what the problem was. She said, "Why should both of us be locked up for something you did?"
I knew that incarceration could make or break a relationship. It takes a special woman or man to stand by that person who is incarcerated, so many of us in prison spend our time trying to build new relationships and ourselves. We don't have time for much else.
Nicki, in order to answer your questions, let me tell you this: out of all the people I know, I haven't received a letter from any of them. No money orders, etc. Prison helps you see who truly cares for you.
As for my loved ones, my sisters ask about me, as do my brothers, nieces, and nephews. But I'm alone besides my mother. My biological father has written me maybe four times, seen me maybe twice. The relationships are slim to none, so yes, they become labored and they change.
When I was free, I would talk to my sisters every day, stop by to visit them, even if it was for a few minutes. We got together almost every weekend to just kick it. I could call and ask for anything, and I got it. Now, I don't know their numbers or addresses.
I have spoken to my mother about this and have written letters to my siblings, but to them, I'm "too emotional" and we can "pick up where we left off when I get out." with their viewpoint, I am basically lost to them until my release.
Hopefully, this has answered your questions. If not, I truly apologize and I hope for your forgiveness. Please tell others about my site. I look forward to getting to know you through your thoughts. Let's stay in contact.
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Replies (2)
It saddens me to hear your answers to my questions though. I don't understand how, when someone we once loved is going through their greatest time of need, why people back away or become completely silent. It would be easy for us to brush it off by saying 'they obviously never thought much of me in the first place', and although of course, that could be true in some cases, I imagine there's a lot more to it than that & that's what I've been thinking about this afternoon as I've been driving around, picking the kids up from school & gathering food for them for the weekend. This is what I've come up with today.
I wonder if it could be societal first of all. Or more specifically, the collective pressures we feel from that at times. I wonder if there is some degree of shame for those who are associated with a loved one being sent to prison & not something people want to deal with, or necessarily know how to.
I've wondered if it could be cultural. American culture is very individualistic - every man for himself, as is mine, (I'm from Australia by the way, I don't think I told you that initially). I wonder if people from collectivist cultures, that are more inclined to take care of each other would be more supportive of a loved one in prison.
I do think there is a lot of shame attached to losing someone to prison, although this is from an outside looking in perspective... I haven't been through this myself. But I really don't understand why people don't made the decision to look past their own feelings and consider what it would be like to be behind bars and for that reason alone, ensure they do all they can to stay in touch. Of course people get busy in their day to day lives, I understand that but to abandon your loved one - someone who society has decided it doesn't require anymore, or that is beyond hope - should we give up on them?... That upsets me.
As you can tell, I'm the girl that likes to ask 'why', because from there comes answers to make things better. I am glad your mother has never stopped supporting you; you're lucky to have her because I've read many stories of people who don't even have one person that visits or writes to them. As a mother myself, I imagine she shoulders the burden of those who remain silent too.
I will stay in touch. Although my paper is now written, I will keep coming here. There is so much to learn & thank you for helping me to do that.
Nicki