You're totally right....as usual. My husband's incarceration was tied to many mental health issues including depression and anxiety. In my research about pornography addiction, once you've started down the trail--you lose all decision making control. I've said that if he was going to get addicted to the internet--why didn't he choose Muppets movies? But he chose pornography--a conscious decision in the beginning and the rest is history. He's now past the half way mark for incarceration and hopeful he can resume mental health and sexual addiction counseling when he gets out. He needs (and wants) to deal with the original issues that got him into trouble--and hopefully have a clearer understanding to help others.
Conversations with my legislators--I was pleasantly surprised that my Assemblyman Shannon Zimmerman (R-River Falls) was willing to meet with me in person and we talked for about 1.5 hours. I gave him the notes John and others had prepared for what they saw as possible legislative issues for improvement. I also gave him some of your blogs. He seemed genuinely interested in bi-partisan talks about possible improvements and said he'd share my materials with others on the right committees. Now that the budget is set (theoretically), they may have time to look at other legislative issues. Time will tell.
John's got a job....which cuts into his time for attending classes and he misses the class with you. He said he's heard talk that another class may be started in the afternoon which would allow him to return. He works in food service and is an expert on folding napkins into the right configuration with silverware. He quickly advanced to the lead position with his shift. The Washington County (MN) historical society newsletter recently had a photo from about 1910 of the cafeteria area in the prison in Stillwater. All the plates and silverware were in perfect placement on the rows of tables...and the guys serving the bread to inmates wore white gloves! John likes the involvement of having the job...and brings back memories of the challenges of owning your own business and dealing with employee issues--will they show up? What's the dynamic between workers? Constant turnover? Interesting to hear his comments about the process there at Stanley.
Finally....you'll appreciate this. The Deacon from our Episcopal Church came with me to visit John and do a blessing for our 45th wedding anniversary. He couldn't get it! The snap on his blue jeans apparently had too much (or a different substance) metal to pass security. So off we went to the Dollar Store to purchase him some sweat pants to pass the security detector. I thought a Deacon's collar might trump a clearly identified suspect blue jeans snap....but no such luck! The Dollar Store clerk shared some interesting stories of what people have to do to make it thru the scanner....positive economic impact on Stanley! Ha!
Hello love... I haven’t really felt 100% lately - you’ve probably noticed there’s been no notes and no mail :(. Saw the cardiologist today - he’s pleased with my overall condition, though still says I need to lose weight (duh!). Told me to come home, take 2 Tylenol, and lie down - fever is 101.4. Funny - I can usually tell when I’m feverish and I don’t feel like I am! Guess it explains why my blood sugar is a little higher than usual...sigh I was in Alabama for 2 weeks - Valerie’s husband had a total hip replacement and she can’t handle their big dog by herself. We weren’t sure how much Hans would be able to do so I went to help out. He’s doing really well - has to be told repeatedly not to overdo - now I have to go back the end of July - they’re having a party - going to renew their vows for their 25th anniversary. I have to go several days before the party so that I get my choice of the rooms - before his daughter gets there (they suggested that, not me - lol) It’s hot here - plus chance of thunderstorms most afternoons. I love the rain while it’s happening because it cools everything off - but when it stops it’s even MORE humid, which is horrible Nothing much else going on - if I think of anything, I’ll write it. I love you so much...see you in my dreams in an hour or so. It’s Wednesday today - earliest this will get mailed is July 1st - next Monday...just know that I’m with you. Your Jeannie
Jealousy was young, still vaporous, and love shuffled past the first corn ill at ease, pricked itself on the first thorns, didn't know what fright was yet and bleeding. In the distance lay the word: large, wrinkly and empty. The laws of nature creaked, crunched, got into their stride one by one. Apples fell, leaves, stars. Rivers flowed from the first mountains. Cain raised his arm. Everything started, everything was new, everything was inescapable.
------------------------------------
The Truth You must, they said, face the truth. Now! Immediately! When it grew dark they whispered: now you may face something else if you like. It was quiet and I faced love and thoughtlessness with its giant wings and the simplicity of the moonlight on my wall. Now the truth again, they said. Now!
----------------------------------------
A Man Wanted To Talk About Love A man wanted to talk about love. No! Not about love! everyone cried and everyone departed or knocked him down, and death peered through a window: About love? Ridiculous! That man put on a pair of wings like those of a thrush, but larger and more despairing, and away he flew and sang about love and love sang about him, murmured about him never did a man go to bed more sorrowful on the indifferent earth.
----------------------------------
Dying?? Never heard of it! But one evening, under a street lamp, I found a poem about dying. It was rain-drenched and almost illegible, but everything was in it. I learnt it by heart and thought: might there be just such a poem, such a rain-drenched, almost illegible poem, about love, with everything in it about love, and should I learn that by heart too?
-----------------------------------------
Dear Robert, just some poems by the Dutch poet Toon Tellegen. Hope I havent send them yet. The last one hits quite home right now for me. You're last post on Between the bars is from NOV. 12, 2017, you knew that? Anyways, hope you are fine when receiving these words, warm greetings, Julia
Dear Jack, I hope you get this in time before you're released, but if not, that's okay. I gave you my email earlier, but just in case you don't have it anymore, it's graciealcott@gmail.com I'm so excited for you. I keep checking your release info on the website you told me about. Two days! I just realized that we've been sending notes to each other for nearly a year and a half now (a year and four months, actually)! Isn't that awesome? I posted your poem on Facebook just a few hours ago, so there's no responses yet. When you email me (which I know you'll be able to do soon), I'll tell you all about the comments! Ah, so you also have bipolar disorder (we're bipolar buddies). I'm glad it's under control. Mine is mostly under control. I am medicated, but because I have PTSD and my sleep schedule is really screwy, it contributes to both mania and depression. It's cool that you read often! I don't, honestly. The last time I finished a book was about a year ago, and I'm kind of embarrassed to admit that. I've always had issues with reading. I'm actually thinking of getting assessed for dyslexia before I go to college (I still have to get my GED. Soon!) This month has been rough in some ways for me, but pretty good in others. I did a play, which was a lot of fun, and now I'm in another. The person who I've been flirting with for months now (I've mentioned them before, I think) and I have been hanging out a lot, and that's so much fun. My mom's having a lot of fun at her new job, and it's always great to see her happy. Life's generally been good, except for a few bumps in the road involving my dad. Turns out my dad remarried like, three days after my parent's divorce in December, and I'm just now finding out. My dad is going to divorce his new wife though, so their marriage has been very short. So that's interesting. But no, life has been generally good. I'm very excited for you to get out. You're a blessing, too. Take care of yourself, and keep being as wonderfully optimistic and motivated as your poem is. You're doing great. -Grace
RSS
You're totally right....as usual. My husband's incarceration was tied to many mental health issues including depression and anxiety. In my research about pornography addiction, once you've started down the trail--you lose all decision making control. I've said that if he was going to get addicted to the internet--why didn't he choose Muppets movies? But he chose pornography--a conscious decision in the beginning and the rest is history. He's now past the half way mark for incarceration and hopeful he can resume mental health and sexual addiction counseling when he gets out. He needs (and wants) to deal with the original issues that got him into trouble--and hopefully have a clearer understanding to help others.
Conversations with my legislators--I was pleasantly surprised that my Assemblyman Shannon Zimmerman (R-River Falls) was willing to meet with me in person and we talked for about 1.5 hours. I gave him the notes John and others had prepared for what they saw as possible legislative issues for improvement. I also gave him some of your blogs. He seemed genuinely interested in bi-partisan talks about possible improvements and said he'd share my materials with others on the right committees. Now that the budget is set (theoretically), they may have time to look at other legislative issues. Time will tell.
John's got a job....which cuts into his time for attending classes and he misses the class with you. He said he's heard talk that another class may be started in the afternoon which would allow him to return. He works in food service and is an expert on folding napkins into the right configuration with silverware. He quickly advanced to the lead position with his shift. The Washington County (MN) historical society newsletter recently had a photo from about 1910 of the cafeteria area in the prison in Stillwater. All the plates and silverware were in perfect placement on the rows of tables...and the guys serving the bread to inmates wore white gloves! John likes the involvement of having the job...and brings back memories of the challenges of owning your own business and dealing with employee issues--will they show up? What's the dynamic between workers? Constant turnover? Interesting to hear his comments about the process there at Stanley.
Finally....you'll appreciate this. The Deacon from our Episcopal Church came with me to visit John and do a blessing for our 45th wedding anniversary. He couldn't get it! The snap on his blue jeans apparently had too much (or a different substance) metal to pass security. So off we went to the Dollar Store to purchase him some sweat pants to pass the security detector. I thought a Deacon's collar might trump a clearly identified suspect blue jeans snap....but no such luck! The Dollar Store clerk shared some interesting stories of what people have to do to make it thru the scanner....positive economic impact on Stanley! Ha!
Stay strong!
Evy
I haven’t really felt 100% lately - you’ve probably noticed there’s been no notes and no mail :(.
Saw the cardiologist today - he’s pleased with my overall condition, though still says I need to lose weight (duh!). Told me to come home, take 2 Tylenol, and lie down - fever is 101.4. Funny - I can usually tell when I’m feverish and I don’t feel like I am! Guess it explains why my blood sugar is a little higher than usual...sigh
I was in Alabama for 2 weeks - Valerie’s husband had a total hip replacement and she can’t handle their big dog by herself. We weren’t sure how much Hans would be able to do so I went to help out. He’s doing really well - has to be told repeatedly not to overdo - now I have to go back the end of July - they’re having a party - going to renew their vows for their 25th anniversary. I have to go several days before the party so that I get my choice of the rooms - before his daughter gets there (they suggested that, not me - lol)
It’s hot here - plus chance of thunderstorms most afternoons. I love the rain while it’s happening because it cools everything off - but when it stops it’s even MORE humid, which is horrible
Nothing much else going on - if I think of anything, I’ll write it. I love you so much...see you in my dreams in an hour or so.
It’s Wednesday today - earliest this will get mailed is July 1st - next Monday...just know that I’m with you.
Your Jeannie
still vaporous,
and love shuffled past the first corn ill at ease,
pricked itself on the first thorns,
didn't know what fright was yet
and bleeding.
In the distance lay the word: large, wrinkly and empty.
The laws of nature creaked, crunched,
got into their stride one by one.
Apples fell, leaves, stars.
Rivers flowed from the first mountains.
Cain raised his arm.
Everything started, everything was new,
everything was inescapable.
------------------------------------
The Truth
You must, they said, face the truth.
Now! Immediately!
When it grew dark they whispered:
now you may face something else
if you like.
It was quiet
and I faced love
and thoughtlessness with its giant wings
and the simplicity of the moonlight on my wall.
Now the truth again, they said. Now!
----------------------------------------
A Man Wanted To Talk About Love
A man wanted to talk about love.
No! Not about love! everyone cried
and everyone departed or knocked him down,
and death peered through a window:
About love? Ridiculous!
That man put on a pair of wings
like those of a thrush,
but larger and more despairing,
and away he flew and sang about love
and love sang about him, murmured about him
never did a man go to bed more sorrowful
on the indifferent earth.
----------------------------------
Dying?? Never heard of it!
But one evening, under a street lamp, I found a poem about dying.
It was rain-drenched and almost illegible,
but everything was in it.
I learnt it by heart and thought:
might there be just such a poem, such a rain-drenched, almost
illegible poem,
about love, with everything in it about love,
and should I learn that by heart too?
-----------------------------------------
Dear Robert, just some poems by the Dutch poet Toon Tellegen. Hope I havent send them yet. The last one hits quite home right now for me.
You're last post on Between the bars is from NOV. 12, 2017, you knew that? Anyways, hope you are fine when receiving these words, warm greetings, Julia
I hope you get this in time before you're released, but if not, that's okay. I gave you my email earlier, but just in case you don't have it anymore, it's graciealcott@gmail.com
I'm so excited for you. I keep checking your release info on the website you told me about. Two days!
I just realized that we've been sending notes to each other for nearly a year and a half now (a year and four months, actually)! Isn't that awesome?
I posted your poem on Facebook just a few hours ago, so there's no responses yet. When you email me (which I know you'll be able to do soon), I'll tell you all about the comments!
Ah, so you also have bipolar disorder (we're bipolar buddies). I'm glad it's under control. Mine is mostly under control. I am medicated, but because I have PTSD and my sleep schedule is really screwy, it contributes to both mania and depression.
It's cool that you read often! I don't, honestly. The last time I finished a book was about a year ago, and I'm kind of embarrassed to admit that. I've always had issues with reading. I'm actually thinking of getting assessed for dyslexia before I go to college (I still have to get my GED. Soon!)
This month has been rough in some ways for me, but pretty good in others. I did a play, which was a lot of fun, and now I'm in another. The person who I've been flirting with for months now (I've mentioned them before, I think) and I have been hanging out a lot, and that's so much fun. My mom's having a lot of fun at her new job, and it's always great to see her happy. Life's generally been good, except for a few bumps in the road involving my dad. Turns out my dad remarried like, three days after my parent's divorce in December, and I'm just now finding out. My dad is going to divorce his new wife though, so their marriage has been very short. So that's interesting. But no, life has been generally good.
I'm very excited for you to get out. You're a blessing, too. Take care of yourself, and keep being as wonderfully optimistic and motivated as your poem is. You're doing great.
-Grace