Dear Childeric, You were very close.... Alexia Jordyn's birthday is actually June 4, 2000 and yes she is 14 now. She has never been told anything bad about you. I promise. Do not make me out to be someone that is bad. I would never say anything to hurt her ever and do not want her to think she has a bad dad. I have been very honest with her as much as possible. I did have to be honest with her and tell her about the crime you are incarcerated for and tried to make it be as positive as possible. I told her the truth about that as much as I could. I am always honest with her. I do have to tell you that your poem is absolutely beautiful and it actually almost brought tears to my eyes because it is so beautiful! I know you love her and I have told her that. To be honest I have not yet showed her anything you have sent her from the past. I haven't done it yet. I have told her that we would visit you and I would let her meet you when she was 18. I don't want anything to affect her at this time in anyway negatively. I am not saying that you are a bad person, but to have a father in prison is a difficult thing. She is an absolutely beautiful beautiful girl!!!! Really she is gorgeous!!!! She is tall like you and I am not sure if she is done growing yet. She is 5'8 or around there. I am not sure of her exact height. She has long black beautiful spiral hair and big brown eyes and a big beautiful smile and perfect teeth. She looks like both of us. I can see you in her... I really saw you in her more when she was younger. Her brother who is now 20 thinks and says she looks like me and also him. Some of her friends say she doesn't look black but looks Spanish or something??? Not sure why exactly..... her skin is a beautiful beautiful golden brown color. Like I told you she is gorgeous and only gets more and more beautiful as time goes on. Alexia is very smart (at this time she knows she will go to college and is thinking of doing something in medicine)..... I have told her that her dad is smart.... and you are. I told her that I thought her dad was very intelligent and you are. She is a freshman in HS and is in the Marching Band at school and loves that. She plays the French horn and is quite good at it, of course. She is also in Show Choir where she sings and dances and performs. She did play tennis in Middle School and tried it in HS but didn't like it this year and quit it. She is looking forward to basketball and will try that this year as well. She was in track in the MS mostly throwing shot put and throwing discus. She thinks she wants to try soccer this spring instead of track, but we will see as she hasn't played soccer for so long.
Bald looks good on you. Better Bald than to have hair down your back or braided like a little girl. Looks like you have lost weight. It looks good on you either way since you always look good. Your artwork is beautiful. You have a great talent. I hope you keep copies of your drawings. I ray for you constantly. I know you have a pure soul and are a wonderful person. I pray the heavens will open up and one day you will be released to make a positive impact in your community. You have done a great job in improving your life, I am proud of you. Cowboys to Girls.
Thanks for writing! I finished the transcription for your post. I hope you don't mind but I edited it a bit, by making it more than one paragraph so that it is a easier read.
I know you are wondering what your blog page looks like...at the top of the page is the title of your blog post, then your scanned handwritten post. After your post is transcribed, it is next on the page under your handwritten post. At the bottom of the page is a box for people to post replies. This is what your transcribed post looks like...
Blog #6 (?) Dymitri Haraszewski Blog #1660 9-23-14
Photographs [underlined]
I recently saw a news story about a lady who got her wedding pictures back 13 years after she thought they were lost forever in 9/11. She was so [underlined] happy, and the story was interesting enough to put it on the news, so it made me start thinking...people obviously [underlined] recognize the importance of photos of special life events. They treasure their own, and they cheer when others are reunited with theirs. Everybody understands, even if they've never given it a lot of thought, that having a picture of something is so, so much more than only having your memory of it. The picture keeps the memory alive, the moment real.
It makes me wonder why so many people are so blasé and dismissive, then, when it comes to making sure their friends and family who are stuck in cages have access to their [underlined] photos. I know that many people do [underlined] send prisoners photos, but so many do not, even when a prisoner (who is also a sibling or son or close friend), lets them know how much it means to him to get photos -memories- from the real world. There's no use pretending I'm not talking largely about my own experience here (or that I'm not a little bit bitter about it), but I know from the hundreds of others I've talked to here in the gulags that my experience isn't unusual. It's the norm. I realize that they often just don't understand the pain of this kind of living death-people value pictures of their "special" moments, but they've never experienced the loss unique to prisoners that makes EVERY moment special if it occurred outside the cage. People normally never think twice about daily events, because they'll be experiencing those same things, and new things, tomorrow, next week, and next year. It's hard to imagine "living" a life in which there are [underlined] no new memories, no experiences worth [underlined] thinking about ever again, ever. I don't expect non-prisoners to fully get it, but they should at least fully get that something beyond their experience (and nightmares) is happening to their loved ones-so send them those old photos. New ones too, but the old are special, they bring back to life moments your friends actually lived. A photo of a pet, or a house, or some boring thing you see every day...for a prisoner, if he also saw it in person, especially if he took [underlined] the photo, or is in it-not a studio portrait but a real-life scene he lived-you'll be shining a light back to him, brighter than you may ever imagine. [End]
Shes never out right asked "wheres my dad" but I know one day I have to explain it. I don't want to say welll he really didnt care about us, hes a heroin addict who steals and shoots at people so hes most likely in jail. So I googled it to see what to do! Its crazy because I have seen addiction I know what it does I know how hard it is to over come and I have empathy and sympathy for everyone and anyone on anything, EXCEPT for him, I have zero. There is no excuse for not pulling his self together for my daughter. (Sorry that was a rant but he really upsets me) But yea that's how I found your blog! I though it was pretty cool that they would give you guys an outlet to speak to the world. Then I realized it was you, I just had to say something. The love that you have for Krista, it just breaks my heart that here is this man, who aches for his kid, would do anything to be with her, why wouldn't my daughters father do the same? He had a chance to right his wrongs... several times... and he chose not to, you don't even get the chance and I bet if they let you go today you'd never look back, on the strength of your daughter. It's just crazy. Well now that I have told you damn near my life story lol I guess we do know each other lol! I'll keep in touch here and there if you promise to keep your head up! I know you said you feel forgotten sometimes, but I know Bev, Krista and J.J. for sure need you to stay strong, you are important, and even though time moves on, friends fade (it happens on the outside too!) the people that really matter will always need and want you there. Talk to you soon and God bless!
Hey Robbie! I was so happy to see you received my post! I didnt realize to communicate through this site actually takes longer than the usual snail/jail mail lol! I hoped that a small note could make you feel a lil better,not that I said anything spectacular or life changing but sometimes a little kindness goes a long way! I'm really sorry about your mom, and I know serious the diagnosis is but one thing I know about Bev, she is a tough cookie! One of the strongest women I have ever met... a survivor... everything will be ok. Send my love to her! (She might not remember me its been a long time!) Now that I think of it Dawn helped me out right before that with a Halloween costume for my son that year, I think it was one of her oldest sons (Ronnie?), a black skeleton with blue bones. Everyone in your family was good to me, really nice people. I'm glad I could thank J.J. again through you. Times were unbelievably rough back then and Kelly was around a lot for me, we had been friends since we were 12 and she was really supportive, but then J.J. who I had pretty much just met, but knew he was going through hell in his life too, did that for us, I was like, wow, what a seriously amazing person. Kelly and J.J. were a mess together for sure, but they both have hearts of gold! I'm glad to see J.J. is doing good and his daughter is beautiful! I wish him and his family all the best! As for Justine, she was awesome too, I didnt graduate with her she was older I graduated 2 yrs after. I didnt see her too much outside of school, we lived on opposite sides of Bensalem, and after her graduation I never saw her again. I just remember that smile, her laugh, and that blonde hair and glasses! I think I have one of her old school pics, black shirt and headband, ill look for it! Just know that she is ALWAYS with you, its true! Oh and you asked what made me google prison dad... My daughter who is now 8 has a father who has been in and out since we were 17, we are now 32. He came out on a 5 yr trip upstate at 22 he knew my sons father had passed and promised me he'd take care of us, we were best friends as kids and I was the only one who stayed consistent with visits from bucks, to Graterford, to Camphill, to Smithfield (which is realllly freaking far) to some place in Chester and letters all the time no matter where I was in life, my sons father hated him and always fought with me for keeping in touch with him. He comes home I have a baby and he starts getting high, you know the rest i'm sure. Happens all the time, anyways he has been gone since she was 2 and I have a fiancee who is amazing to her (we have been together for 6 years so its all she knows) but she knows that's not her dad (mostly because they are different races) I know for a while she thought my sons dad who passed away, was her dad, but I had to tell her that's just his dad. ITS SO COMPLICATED! (Continued on next post, too long for 1 post)
I override my pride head held high and run back in, mind set to win but my heart slow to begin. From fear of being hurt again not trying to pretend, That I was yet another special kind of fool in the end....
If death couldn't defeat me then how could these walls? I absolutely love that line!! Its amazing how heavy a heart and mind speak.. You do the time don't let the time do you!. Take care
I think its important to offer that decision to the children instead of forcing it. I for one let my children decide whether or not the distance and time that separated them for so long was repairable. You see it wasnt my choice as to whether or not they were going to forgive them but it was my job to allow them that opportunity. I wish your family the best of luck !
Paper images capture only the shadows of her sweetness but love does not escape me I miss her.. quite possibly the most beautiful thing I've read in a long time.. Unconditional love is a beautiful thing and your blessed to have been able to experience it. Dont be sad that its gone, be happy that it happened.
RSS
You were very close.... Alexia Jordyn's birthday is actually June 4, 2000 and yes she is 14 now. She has never been told anything bad about you. I promise. Do not make me out to be someone that is bad. I would never say anything to hurt her ever and do not want her to think she has a bad dad. I have been very honest with her as much as possible. I did have to be honest with her and tell her about the crime you are incarcerated for and tried to make it be as positive as possible. I told her the truth about that as much as I could. I am always honest with her.
I do have to tell you that your poem is absolutely beautiful and it actually almost brought tears to my eyes because it is so beautiful! I know you love her and I have told her that. To be honest I have not yet showed her anything you have sent her from the past. I haven't done it yet. I have told her that we would visit you and I would let her meet you when she was 18. I don't want anything to affect her at this time in anyway negatively. I am not saying that you are a bad person, but to have a father in prison is a difficult thing.
She is an absolutely beautiful beautiful girl!!!! Really she is gorgeous!!!! She is tall like you and I am not sure if she is done growing yet. She is 5'8 or around there. I am not sure of her exact height. She has long black beautiful spiral hair and big brown eyes and a big beautiful smile and perfect teeth. She looks like both of us. I can see you in her... I really saw you in her more when she was younger. Her brother who is now 20 thinks and says she looks like me and also him. Some of her friends say she doesn't look black but looks Spanish or something??? Not sure why exactly..... her skin is a beautiful beautiful golden brown color. Like I told you she is gorgeous and only gets more and more beautiful as time goes on.
Alexia is very smart (at this time she knows she will go to college and is thinking of doing something in medicine)..... I have told her that her dad is smart.... and you are. I told her that I thought her dad was very intelligent and you are.
She is a freshman in HS and is in the Marching Band at school and loves that. She plays the French horn and is quite good at it, of course. She is also in Show Choir where she sings and dances and performs. She did play tennis in Middle School and tried it in HS but didn't like it this year and quit it. She is looking forward to basketball and will try that this year as well. She was in track in the MS mostly throwing shot put and throwing discus. She thinks she wants to try soccer this spring instead of track, but we will see as she hasn't played soccer for so long.
Sue
This is what your transcribed post looks like...
Blog #6 (?)
Dymitri Haraszewski Blog #1660 9-23-14
Photographs [underlined]
I recently saw a news story about a lady who got her wedding pictures back 13 years after she thought they were lost forever in 9/11. She was so [underlined] happy, and the story was interesting enough to put it on the news, so it made me start thinking...people obviously [underlined] recognize the importance of photos of special life events. They treasure their own, and they cheer when others are reunited with theirs. Everybody understands, even if they've never given it a lot of thought, that having a picture of something is so, so much more than only having your memory of it. The picture keeps the memory alive, the moment real.
It makes me wonder why so many people are so blasé and dismissive, then, when it comes to making sure their friends and family who are stuck in cages have access to their [underlined] photos. I know that many people do [underlined] send prisoners photos, but so many do not, even when a prisoner (who is also a sibling or son or close friend), lets them know how much it means to him to get photos -memories- from the real world. There's no use pretending I'm not talking largely about my own experience here (or that I'm not a little bit bitter about it), but I know from the hundreds of others I've talked to here in the gulags that my experience isn't unusual. It's the norm. I realize that they often just don't understand the pain of this kind of living death-people value pictures of their "special" moments, but they've never experienced the loss unique to prisoners that makes EVERY moment special if it occurred outside the cage. People normally never think twice about daily events, because they'll be experiencing those same things, and new things, tomorrow, next week, and next year. It's hard to imagine "living" a life in which there are [underlined] no new memories, no experiences worth [underlined] thinking about ever again, ever. I don't expect non-prisoners to fully get it, but they should at least fully get that something beyond their experience (and nightmares) is happening to their loved ones-so send them those old photos. New ones too, but the old are special, they bring back to life moments your friends actually lived. A photo of a pet, or a house, or some boring thing you see every day...for a prisoner, if he also saw it in person, especially if he took [underlined] the photo, or is in it-not a studio portrait but a real-life scene he lived-you'll be shining a light back to him, brighter than you may ever imagine.
[End]
I was so happy to see you received my post! I didnt realize to communicate through this site actually takes longer than the usual snail/jail mail lol! I hoped that a small note could make you feel a lil better,not that I said anything spectacular or life changing but sometimes a little kindness goes a long way! I'm really sorry about your mom, and I know serious the diagnosis is but one thing I know about Bev, she is a tough cookie! One of the strongest women I have ever met... a survivor... everything will be ok. Send my love to her! (She might not remember me its been a long time!) Now that I think of it Dawn helped me out right before that with a Halloween costume for my son that year, I think it was one of her oldest sons (Ronnie?), a black skeleton with blue bones. Everyone in your family was good to me, really nice people. I'm glad I could thank J.J. again through you. Times were unbelievably rough back then and Kelly was around a lot for me, we had been friends since we were 12 and she was really supportive, but then J.J. who I had pretty much just met, but knew he was going through hell in his life too, did that for us, I was like, wow, what a seriously amazing person. Kelly and J.J. were a mess together for sure, but they both have hearts of gold! I'm glad to see J.J. is doing good and his daughter is beautiful! I wish him and his family all the best! As for Justine, she was awesome too, I didnt graduate with her she was older I graduated 2 yrs after. I didnt see her too much outside of school, we lived on opposite sides of Bensalem, and after her graduation I never saw her again. I just remember that smile, her laugh, and that blonde hair and glasses! I think I have one of her old school pics, black shirt and headband, ill look for it! Just know that she is ALWAYS with you, its true! Oh and you asked what made me google prison dad... My daughter who is now 8 has a father who has been in and out since we were 17, we are now 32. He came out on a 5 yr trip upstate at 22 he knew my sons father had passed and promised me he'd take care of us, we were best friends as kids and I was the only one who stayed consistent with visits from bucks, to Graterford, to Camphill, to Smithfield (which is realllly freaking far) to some place in Chester and letters all the time no matter where I was in life, my sons father hated him and always fought with me for keeping in touch with him. He comes home I have a baby and he starts getting high, you know the rest i'm sure. Happens all the time, anyways he has been gone since she was 2 and I have a fiancee who is amazing to her (we have been together for 6 years so its all she knows) but she knows that's not her dad (mostly because they are different races) I know for a while she thought my sons dad who passed away, was her dad, but I had to tell her that's just his dad. ITS SO COMPLICATED! (Continued on next post, too long for 1 post)
back in,
mind set to win
but my heart slow to begin.
From fear of being hurt again
not trying to pretend,
That I was yet another special kind of fool
in the end....
Very deep