From wikipedia: "The red wolf (Canis rufus,[3] formerly Canis lupus rufus[4]), also known as the Florida wolf or Mississippi Valley wolf" Apparently it seems that the Canis Lupus is the grey wolf. So you're a lone wolf, huh? I can totally understand why you're one considering the kind of packs that exist in prison... Just like the wolves, we are generally a collective animal but sometimes we end up alone even if we're surrounded by people. I guess that's the worse kind of loneliness when one feels alone around others. Perhaps the hermitic kind of loneliness is not so bad because there's no one around you physically and there's a real excuse to be alone. People who isolate themselves get company from their own thoughts. Not many have this virtue and therefore become unbalanced and crazy with time. My advice to you is that you don't give up on finding a cool guy to speak your mind to. It might seem impossible but probably you're not the only intelligent guy in your prison even though you're outnumbered... I read some of your posts and I think they're pretty interesting. I'll definitely keep checking them. I'm from Portugal by the way.
Hey Joe. It's Tim. Although I have not been to see you since you were moved back to Lieber, I do think about you often and keep meaning to come see you again. It is good to hear that you are able to keep your mind occupied. I am not a reader. I might have read one book since high school! I read "The Client" by John Grisham. I admit I really liked it, but somehow I just find it so difficult make myself read. I started a second book by Grisham, "A Painted House" but alas, I did not stay with it. If I were to go back to it again I would have to start all over because I have forgotten what happened in the part I already read! Mama will be 89 in November. She has been in the hospital a couple of times this year. Once because her heart went into Afib and once because of low hemoglobin and had to have a blood transfusion. They did not find where she was loosing blood, so in another few months, she may have to have another.
We may not always do or say the thinks we should, but just know we are thinking of you.
Sorry for multiple posts, there is a 3000 character limit.
Regarding. Your daughter, consider this: everything you post regarding the child is now permanently available. A curious person with minimal computer skills can find one heck of a history about her if they desire.
On an earlier blog, one of your responders stated "I don't like to use my name on the internet". That is a smart action. It's too easy to track anything and everything down, based on minimal information. Her name is there however, along with where she lives, has lived, and from there it's easy to figure out where she works.
My point is, that by putting so much information out there about your daughter, her age... Where she is... Her date of birth, mothers maiden name... You are setting her up the base for a pretty extensive profile on her that will always follow wherever she goes.
People are curious (nosy?) by nature. Employers frequently use search engines and Boolean tools to get a full picture of an individual. By pitting all that information out there, you are linking your daughter to posts which paint the poor kid in a less than favorable light.
Basically, your actions... Which are painted in an altruistic light, but are in reality all about making yourself feel better will perpetuate the pain this kid feels anytime someone decides to do a search in her name in the future.
You are not helping anyone by begging for someone to help her, you are harming her future by posting this information for the world to see.
For myself, I try to limit anything I post about the wife or my kids. There are too many opportunities in this ever connected world for harm to be done from the most innocuous of,postings.
I believe people can change. I believe people do change. I believe some people will say anything to make others think they have changed.
I was a bad kid. Took what I want, and consequences be damned. I always had some buffer in me however to not actually physically hurt people. I've never really been sure where that reserve came from, maybe it's a genetic or compassionate part of my brain that those who are broken cannot understand. I have a wife, kids, a couple of homes, a flourishing business and while the past still sneaks up on me in the form of bad days, I still function in society.
You did not seem to have this. Since high school, and your time in juvie, your actions have been founded in violence and an utter disregard for others feelings. Stabbing a guard with a pencil is a good indicator of how things are going to turn out. Biting a guard during a trial where you are currently attempting to paint yourself as the victim is a further indication. Broken. Some broken things are fixable, and may still have value if fixed. Some broken things can never be fixed.
One point you go back to is that Mr. Updegrave started the fight. I can believe that, as he could be an ass. Physical violence however was not his way. It's well known that you attacked your victim in the kitchen, drug him from there, through three rooms and into the bathroom.
Since you dismembered the body, and even went so far as to go to your estranged girlfriends house to borrow a saw to finish the job (this is the home you were kicked out of, and the reason you lived with ron), you did. Ore than "take a life"". Let's add to that disposing parts of his corpse throughout Bucks County, stealing his car and trying to sell his things.
I do not forgive you. While I can only offer the best hopes that you continue to try and find ways to live with what you have done, there is no scenario in which your crimes should be forgiven. For a reference a religious man will understand, try Matthew 5:38 and leviticus 24:20.
If your attempt to become a better person were done altruistically, and not in a situation where honestly it is only one of two choices, then I and others like me might think... This man has a redeemable value. I think we both know however that were the opportunity given for you to be back on the streets, nothing less than a continuation of your past activities would be the result.
As one of the people that your actions affected, I will never forgive you. Not Just the murder that finally got you put away, but your actions prior to that. You owe a debt to society that really cannot be repaid. Society continues to support you, but has chosen to exclude you from the rest of us. It's sad in a way, necessary, but sad.
It seems this blog is being used for other reasons then what it's meant to be, it's a support page for loved ones behind bars or a page for inmates to communicate their time behind bars...not a air your dirty laundry out page! Point blank Johnny, I know who your wanting to be with, who you write everyday and who you send cards to every week, that would be me, Mona... The person who is waiting for you! You and I have built this amazing bond and I'm very happy as I know you are! Thank you for your complete honesty through our bonding being that I certainty see why you told me EVERYTHING now! And stop worrying, I'm still here for you and I can't wait for you to get out to start our already begun relationship! Love you and I'll be there tomorrow ♥ And hurry and get out, I need Johnny time!
here is another message from your dear sister Sunny.. things are crazy right now.. as you can tell i am sure.. ortho dr was rough handed with my legs and i couldnt drive home or walk up the stairs.. when i finally made it i stayed in bed for a few days just crying from the severe pain and spasms.. the heat hasnt let up here but i got an ac unit as an early b-day present from dads ex Debi... so it has been soe easier to breathe.. i have had a third tumor pop up.. go sept 2nd to have it removed and tested.. that makes 3 in 6 months.. not good... and they dont know why i am getting them.. please say a word for me that this one comes back benign like the others.. Shelly called me with some news that is heart breaking and sent me into a downward spiral..she has HPV (cervical cancer)... she got the vaccination for HPV but somehow she contacted it anyway... the drs in TN are quacks and they are taking their slow ass time on explaining to her what she has to look forward too... HPV usually is when they do a complete and full hysterectomy.. which means you wont have any grand babies from her.. i dont mean to just blurt it out like this.. and im so very sorry... i have been calling the prison trying to reach the preacher or a councellor to get you to call me.. but it seems like they never work anymore.. i can never catch them in.. i had hoped to tell you with my own voice and answer your questions.. i am so very sorry brother.. i have been so tore up about this i have been crying all the time and unable to sleep.. she tried calling april and telling her but you know how that went... shelly said she needed to talk and april hung up on her.. i have no use for her she is a waste of space and air.. dad said to send his condolences as well.. he is trying to be more of a good guy then an asshole lately.. im not able to go check the mail every day so if i missed a letter you sent im sorry.. i promise i will check the mail mon the 18th and search for a letter.. i wish my health was better.. so i could check everyday but that is a long walk on bad knees.. the mailboxes are in the office to the apts.. i spend more time at dr appts then i do at home these days.. but that is ok.. better me being this sick then you... i will keep you up to date on everything thru this.. i miss you brother.. i am sending you a big bear hug.. keep your chin up.. i love you ShadowBear..
RSS
Apparently it seems that the Canis Lupus is the grey wolf.
So you're a lone wolf, huh? I can totally understand why you're one considering the kind of packs that exist in prison... Just like the wolves, we are generally a collective animal but sometimes we end up alone even if we're surrounded by people. I guess that's the worse kind of loneliness when one feels alone around others. Perhaps the hermitic kind of loneliness is not so bad because there's no one around you physically and there's a real excuse to be alone. People who isolate themselves get company from their own thoughts. Not many have this virtue and therefore become unbalanced and crazy with time. My advice to you is that you don't give up on finding a cool guy to speak your mind to. It might seem impossible but probably you're not the only intelligent guy in your prison even though you're outnumbered...
I read some of your posts and I think they're pretty interesting. I'll definitely keep checking them. I'm from Portugal by the way.
Regards, Rui
Mama will be 89 in November. She has been in the hospital a couple of times this year. Once because her heart went into Afib and once because of low hemoglobin and had to have a blood transfusion. They did not find where she was loosing blood, so in another few months, she may have to have another.
We may not always do or say the thinks we should, but just know we are thinking of you.
Tim
Regarding. Your daughter, consider this: everything you post regarding the child is now permanently available. A curious person with minimal computer skills can find one heck of a history about her if they desire.
On an earlier blog, one of your responders stated "I don't like to use my name on the internet". That is a smart action. It's too easy to track anything and everything down, based on minimal information. Her name is there however, along with where she lives, has lived, and from there it's easy to figure out where she works.
My point is, that by putting so much information out there about your daughter, her age... Where she is... Her date of birth, mothers maiden name... You are setting her up the base for a pretty extensive profile on her that will always follow wherever she goes.
People are curious (nosy?) by nature. Employers frequently use search engines and Boolean tools to get a full picture of an individual. By pitting all that information out there, you are linking your daughter to posts which paint the poor kid in a less than favorable light.
Basically, your actions... Which are painted in an altruistic light, but are in reality all about making yourself feel better will perpetuate the pain this kid feels anytime someone decides to do a search in her name in the future.
You are not helping anyone by begging for someone to help her, you are harming her future by posting this information for the world to see.
For myself, I try to limit anything I post about the wife or my kids. There are too many opportunities in this ever connected world for harm to be done from the most innocuous of,postings.
I was a bad kid. Took what I want, and consequences be damned. I always had some buffer in me however to not actually physically hurt people. I've never really been sure where that reserve came from, maybe it's a genetic or compassionate part of my brain that those who are broken cannot understand. I have a wife, kids, a couple of homes, a flourishing business and while the past still sneaks up on me in the form of bad days, I still function in society.
You did not seem to have this. Since high school, and your time in juvie, your actions have been founded in violence and an utter disregard for others feelings. Stabbing a guard with a pencil is a good indicator of how things are going to turn out. Biting a guard during a trial where you are currently attempting to paint yourself as the victim is a further indication. Broken. Some broken things are fixable, and may still have value if fixed. Some broken things can never be fixed.
One point you go back to is that Mr. Updegrave started the fight. I can believe that, as he could be an ass. Physical violence however was not his way. It's well known that you attacked your victim in the kitchen, drug him from there, through three rooms and into the bathroom.
Since you dismembered the body, and even went so far as to go to your estranged girlfriends house to borrow a saw to finish the job (this is the home you were kicked out of, and the reason you lived with ron), you did. Ore than "take a life"". Let's add to that disposing parts of his corpse throughout Bucks County, stealing his car and trying to sell his things.
I do not forgive you. While I can only offer the best hopes that you continue to try and find ways to live with what you have done, there is no scenario in which your crimes should be forgiven. For a reference a religious man will understand, try Matthew 5:38 and leviticus 24:20.
If your attempt to become a better person were done altruistically, and not in a situation where honestly it is only one of two choices, then I and others like me might think... This man has a redeemable value. I think we both know however that were the opportunity given for you to be back on the streets, nothing less than a continuation of your past activities would be the result.
As one of the people that your actions affected, I will never forgive you. Not Just the murder that finally got you put away, but your actions prior to that. You owe a debt to society that really cannot be repaid. Society continues to support you, but has chosen to exclude you from the rest of us. It's sad in a way, necessary, but sad.
Point blank Johnny, I know who your wanting to be with, who you write everyday and who you send cards to every week, that would be me, Mona... The person who is waiting for you! You and I have built this amazing bond and I'm very happy as I know you are! Thank you for your complete honesty through our bonding being that I certainty see why you told me EVERYTHING now! And stop worrying, I'm still here for you and I can't wait for you to get out to start our already begun relationship! Love you and I'll be there tomorrow ♥ And hurry and get out, I need Johnny time!
i love you ShadowBear..
SunningBear