!!!!! I sincerely send all my blessings and prayers to you for overcoming the colon cancer. Remember: stay strong, and whip the cancer with all you've got! I'm sorry that I don't have any personal stories to share with you, but I'm sure others do. Keep us updated! And by the way, good luck with the federal court decision affecting the California prison system! Maybe taxpayers will save some money this time! --Calhoun25
Thanks so much for writing! I just finished the transcription for your post. Those roaches can sometimes be very entertaining! It's those small wonders of nature that often go overlooked. --Calhoun25
Hi Kyle. I just wanted to let you know that I read all 52 pages of your ravings. I find your discourse as enjoyable and intelligent as it was when we shared a tracked vehicle. I hope you are well, and I will continue to read your blog. Despite your lack of love for the uniform, you still remain one of my favorite soldiers. Let me know if you want books, or a giant cake with a file in it, or anything that I can actually send you.
It will be permanent, but like all things - it is up to you to make the best of it. I don't mean that lightly.
When you finally leave prison, you will have a lot of adjusting to do. But over time, as you make you way in the world - you will be able to fashion all of the bad things - bad memories, unnecessary adaptations (is that a good way to put it?) into some kind of gain. You can't erase the bad, but you can use it to be good - better - more understanding, more compassionate, more giving.
It can be ok. You are not damaged. Even out of the ashes, you can fashion enormous beauty.
open mi heart chakras overcome mi fears antidote for sickness reminis and remember THIS>……
Twisted version of mi former self No self control wired by remote off firing on broken cylinders off key a while dropped mi thread left the real tapestry got sick in mi head fell tru the water to the other side shaman to schitzo demons overtook i shadow side ruled me for a spell not any longer cycles of time realign regain what mine undercover, under a curse the way it had to be pay mi karmic debt overcome mi fate infiltrate hells gate
stayed too long tarried when should have hurried
got too caught up tied in mi role world of the machine damn near took mi soul
duppys all around me sometimes not like what i see smash that fkn mirror cos those shadows be me
raise an army ghosts from the marshs descendants of the living dead hidden holes in our heads no need for them bullet proof vests jump tru hoops get tru mi tests no need get so vexed i aint no player i just playing dead roll over wild rover no bones to retrieve her constant head cold case seizures every dog has its day gwan shine brighter den doris day sun is shining roll in the hay fell tru a trapdoor portal back to mi hey day
WTF is going on in mi head where lies a void as empty, as cold from a dream place indeed these thoughts must unfold
shadows of horror shone on the walls echos of my selfish heart bound and captured red tape for mi red lies wrapped in a veil of illusion get back mi mind see through mi delusion
remember where i left the key get rid of mi passivity this double minded role just tormenting me wish i could find the wherewithal to just be me
Monsters chase me tru mi dreams am i them, or are they me, Too close for comfort, too near to dread, wish we could all be friends instead.
Unite as allies, finalise and realise this dependancy sin and blinkers on our eyes are symptoms of social insecurity security dss that word just makes me insecure Jump back to the Source where i really am
Im like the anti-christ killer of mi higher self I was good too once need to unite inside get rebalanced, reborn beyond ‘good’ and ‘evil’ duality like ALLAH
thesis and antithesis overcome duality reach synthesis
Christ was the WOrd was always with Jah Laid down before foundations of the world
im just a player going tru mi roles randomly generated ghost in da machine feeling quite obscene just a vessel, a ware human paintbrush for a higher power artist ark of the coveant two hearts like Dr who WHO trying kill me twit a twit a whoo old owl not so wise fuck you, i already dead in your terms, to your world
Dazed and confused self abuse and worn out shoes broken heels and holes in the sole(soul) no love, no hope, no vision just a reflection of mi inner schisms
second hand knowledge but no real wisdom walk like a cripple with a gait often feel like Johnyy no mates to be locked outside Kingdomes gate so numb, so far from God is that mi end fate…..
No faith in myself or anyone really rotting away until i cant feel me this wasted life i led fear it gwan cost me dearly
sure im the walking dead some sick twisted thoughts still stuck in mi head did my blood stop running when mi heart went cold
signs and portents abound too terrible to decode this hell i created has frozen me in the mire wither in mi sickness or burn in the fire
is this what i became or was it already scripted up for me wish i could find some inner strength break these bonds and shackles bust through the bars exit this invisible prison fly away and reinvent me, cut and shape and rearrange redeem mi soul and make amends take this seriously not just pretend
saw this world was wrong so much suffering on the tv far and near from me hard to believe i once cared emphathised, thought, those people could been me used to hear i had a thin skin told i sensitive i was but then… truth be told often felt disconnected that feeling just grew so much drugs just hid how much couldnt see how far i fell it still often seems i under a spell scared what there for me beyond the veil..
Broke into hell, tore it down, and built and city behind it South Paul, murderous, methodology nigga Remember that I'm just a man don't follow me nigga Cause once you past the point you can never go home You've got to face the possibility of dying alone So tell me mother fucker, how could you die for the throne? When you don't even got the fuckin' heart to die for your own It rains acid, one day the earth will cry from a stone And you'll be lookin' at the world livin' inside of a dome Computerized humanity living inside of a clone This is the place where the unknown is living and real Worm went to planet X and the seventh seal Universal truth is not measured in mass appeal This is the last time that I kneel and pray to the sky Cause almost everything that I was ever told was a lie
(Hook) This is the point from which I could never return And if I back down now then forever I burn This is the point from which I could never retreat Cause If I turn back now there can never be peace This is the point from which I will die or succeed Living the struggle, I know I'm alive when I bleed From now on it can never be the same as before Cause the place I'm from doesn't exist anymore Official lyrics power
Lyrics from <a href="http://www.elyrics.net">eLyrics.net</a>
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--Calhoun25
--Calhoun25
Best,
Ron
I have hope that the hearings will lead somewhere (something has to change).
j
Find out all you can if they send you out. What 'stage' is it? What treatment are they offering.
Do you have any support outside prison (that can help)?
Please keep us up to date,
j
When you finally leave prison, you will have a lot of adjusting to do. But over time, as you make you way in the world - you will be able to fashion all of the bad things - bad memories, unnecessary adaptations (is that a good way to put it?) into some kind of gain. You can't erase the bad, but you can use it to be good - better - more understanding, more compassionate, more giving.
It can be ok. You are not damaged. Even out of the ashes, you can fashion enormous beauty.
j
overcome mi fears
antidote for sickness
reminis and remember
THIS>……
Twisted version of mi former self
No self control
wired by remote
off firing on broken cylinders
off key a while
dropped mi thread
left the real tapestry
got sick in mi head
fell tru the water
to the other side
shaman to schitzo
demons overtook i
shadow side ruled me
for a spell
not any longer
cycles of time
realign
regain what mine
undercover, under a curse
the way it had to be
pay mi karmic debt
overcome mi fate
infiltrate hells gate
stayed too long
tarried
when
should have hurried
got too caught up
tied in mi role
world of the machine
damn near took mi soul
duppys all around me
sometimes not like what i see
smash that fkn mirror
cos those shadows be me
raise an army
ghosts from the marshs
descendants of the living dead
hidden holes in our heads
no need for them
bullet proof vests
jump tru hoops
get tru mi tests
no need get so vexed
i aint no player
i just playing dead
roll over wild rover
no bones to retrieve her
constant head cold case seizures
every dog has its day
gwan shine brighter
den doris day
sun is shining
roll in the hay
fell tru a trapdoor
portal back to mi hey day
where lies a void
as empty, as cold
from a dream place indeed
these thoughts must unfold
shadows of horror
shone on the walls
echos of my selfish heart
bound and captured
red tape for mi red lies
wrapped in a veil of illusion
get back mi mind
see through mi delusion
remember where i left the key
get rid of mi passivity
this double minded role
just tormenting me
wish i could find the wherewithal
to just be me
Monsters chase me tru mi dreams
am i them, or are they me,
Too close for comfort,
too near to dread,
wish we could all be friends instead.
Unite as allies, finalise and realise
this dependancy sin and blinkers on our eyes
are symptoms of social insecurity security dss
that word just makes me insecure
Jump back to the Source
where i really am
Im like the anti-christ
killer of mi higher self
I was good too once
need to unite inside
get rebalanced, reborn
beyond ‘good’ and ‘evil’ duality
like ALLAH
thesis and antithesis
overcome duality
reach synthesis
Christ was the WOrd
was always with Jah
Laid down before
foundations of the world
im just a player
going tru mi roles
randomly generated
ghost in da machine
feeling quite obscene
just a vessel, a ware
human paintbrush
for a higher power artist
ark of the coveant
two hearts like Dr who
WHO trying kill me
twit a twit a whoo
old owl not so wise
fuck you, i already dead
in your terms, to your world
self abuse and worn out shoes
broken heels and holes in the sole(soul)
no love, no hope, no vision
just a reflection of mi inner schisms
second hand knowledge
but no real wisdom
walk like a cripple with a gait
often feel like Johnyy no mates
to be locked outside Kingdomes gate
so numb, so far from God
is that mi end fate…..
No faith in myself
or anyone really
rotting away until
i cant feel me
this wasted life i led
fear it gwan cost me dearly
sure im the walking dead
some sick twisted thoughts
still stuck in mi head
did my blood stop running
when mi heart went cold
signs and portents abound
too terrible to decode
this hell i created
has frozen me in the mire
wither in mi sickness
or burn in the fire
is this what i became
or was it already
scripted up for me
wish i could find some inner strength
break these bonds and shackles
bust through the bars
exit this invisible prison
fly away and reinvent me,
cut and shape and rearrange
redeem mi soul and make amends
take this seriously
not just pretend
saw this world was wrong
so much suffering on the tv
far and near from me
hard to believe
i once cared
emphathised,
thought, those people could been me
used to hear
i had a thin skin
told i sensitive
i was but then…
truth be told
often felt disconnected
that feeling just grew
so much drugs just hid how much
couldnt see how far i fell
it still often seems
i under a spell
scared what there for me
beyond the veil..
South Paul, murderous, methodology nigga
Remember that I'm just a man don't follow me nigga
Cause once you past the point you can never go home
You've got to face the possibility of dying alone
So tell me mother fucker, how could you die for the throne?
When you don't even got the fuckin' heart to die for your own
It rains acid, one day the earth will cry from a stone
And you'll be lookin' at the world livin' inside of a dome
Computerized humanity living inside of a clone
This is the place where the unknown is living and real
Worm went to planet X and the seventh seal
Universal truth is not measured in mass appeal
This is the last time that I kneel and pray to the sky
Cause almost everything that I was ever told was a lie
(Hook)
This is the point from which I could never return
And if I back down now then forever I burn
This is the point from which I could never retreat
Cause If I turn back now there can never be peace
This is the point from which I will die or succeed
Living the struggle, I know I'm alive when I bleed
From now on it can never be the same as before
Cause the place I'm from doesn't exist anymore
Official lyrics power
Lyrics from <a href="http://www.elyrics.net">eLyrics.net</a>