Sexual Abuse

Hello everyone, I would like to talk about what it feels like to be a victim of sexual abuse. If you have read my blog before you may already know that I was abused by my step father from the age of 4 to 11. I mean specifically he molested me and I later realized that this had serious impact on my life as an adult. I don't remember exactly what he did to me except the initial touching and fondling and thinking about that makes me start crying. Hell, writing about it at all chokes me up. But I'm trying to help the other victims of rape. As an adult in prison I was severely beaten and forced to have sex with another inmate. So I understand what you are going through, the feelings of shame, of worthlessness, of thinking it's your fault and what did you do to deserve this. I know about the thoughts of suicide and how twisted your life has become around the issue of sex. I am gay, I don't know if my sexual preference is a product of what happened to me but I do know that most of my relationships have been troubled. I do know that I am very close to being if not a clinical Nymphomaniac. I know that I don't trust older men or men in postions of authority. Unfortunately that means men my own age and older so I get involved with men who are a lot younger than me. I understand how a part of you will always be that little kid and how you feel that sex is the only way to show you care. The rape I was a victim of in prison has left me suffering from P.T.S.D., I have flashbacks to the attack, nightmares and fits of depression. I have severly cut myself because sometimes I just can't deal with the emotional pain. I now live in total fear of gang members and I'm afraid to openly admit I'm gay to other inmates. I am dealing with it as best I can and I will tell how in my next blog. If you have any comments or suggestions leave them at this site and I'll get them. Take care or yourself. Peace :) Donny

Mr. Sugar,
The address you have is my current address. Thank you for writing.

Sincerely,
Donny Welch