Date 4/17/2020 9:15:49 AM
Subject: Prison Life
Was minding my own business round 7:30pm when I heard the serjant yelling " unit ,4 day rooms closed he'd back 2 ur cells"
Know what that means somebody going 2 segregation!
Come 2 find out there was a fight in the day room!
Glad I left like 20 minutes earlier. Had 2 everything was getting on my nerves! N all i was trying 2 do was look at the new schedules which let 2 me being bumped into several times n people yelling across my matchstick body! On top of that my black pen was acting up!
Looking back I see the totality of the stressful events were God's way of getting me back 2 my cell. Amen. Lord knows I h8 seeing fights n even h8 hearing bout them! Could care less what they were fighting over,who won,who lost...who called who what,or even seeing reenactments!
Course as gossip was was going on directly around me I lost focus on my homework 4 seminary!
Definitely didn't have a godly attitude! Found myself blurting out "I h8 this s$&%!"
Putting down the Bible I decided 2 write
So the barber was one of the guys who fought so I'm gone have 2 take Jays advice n shave all my hair off! with a razor! Good thing I bought 2 at canteen. God let both of em come on Saturday. Amen. Gone take like 3 days 2 shave so...gotta start the process so I can look somewhat decent for my Parole hearing in 13 days!!! Could go in there looking like a hot mess but I'd rather not. Right now my mustache so long I eat hair! Yuck! Then my hair look like I am wearing a hat with a hole in it!
Its OK you can laugh!
Tryd 2 make 2 calls,no ones answering
Pray they were busy living the abundant life
Plus that's what I get God was pressing on my spirit not 2 get on the phone but my pride made me do it :( acting just like Cain who pride led him off the deep end.ouch!
So now what?
Just keep crying out 4 Parole
A heart can only take so much of prison
N I try 2 worship God, still
Hard cause I'm surrounded by my yesterday's which tempts me ever so 2 act,talk,walk,like I used 4 over 20 something years!
Easy 2 do something u used 2 do when u surrounded by it!
Its true ask the Betty Ford clinic!
How successful would the interventions b if there were drugs,alcohol,opiods,addiction triggers,n a drug dealer on campus!
Prison is filled with the very spirits I used 2 run with but want no part of - yet they in my cell/house,bathroom,shower,day room,gym,library,school,activities, etc No escaping!
Don't get me wrong I'm fighting it all by the grace of God but...
At a point in my career where I just need 2 b round love! B round healthy people n ensuingly healthy relationships. I need 2 b nurtured,affirmed,mentored,hugd ,kissed told "I love u", need 2 share a smile,be around kindness,charity,love,respect, unconditional love,mutual friendships,sacrificial love,decency,virtue,character,accountability, togetherness, writers,designers,artist,LIFE,real meat,real food,bubble baths,femininity, a wife,my daughter,colors,fashion,opportunities, kids,technology, cars,trucks,adults,life experiences, traveling, body's of water,water falls,flowers,publishers,ice cream, solitude, silence,education, big words,seminars,leaders,a good nights sleep,music,God fearing people,freedom...
Might tell them that at PAROLE only cause its try
Done came as far as I can by myself
Done did everything I could in here
Prison done ran its course
All its doing now is giving my health problems
Can u say hunch back?!
Well that's all I got oh yeah
Happy birthday 2
Love ur uncle Ant
2020 dec 1
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