Recent Comments

I am truly hoping that my other replies on other blogs you have written get to you, I have written many today (Sept 6th) and they are to be mailed to you BY sept 10th, a Monday. I typed up three pretty long replies to be sent your way on just one of your later entries from I think July plus many others along the way while reading too, please leave a comment response if you can/WHEN you are able to and let me know you receive at least six or seven replies from me because I truly want you to read them and take them into consideration and know that your words are very appreciated considering your situation lately. To share your world when its so tough and its a world that so many will never endure, I admire your strength to do that and to at least stand for something RIGHT and GOOD while you are stuck in there among the negativity and sadness. Still hoping that your posts are getting to BTB on time, and that Ill read some sort of evidence via your blog that you did not follow through with a deadly hunger strike. I wrote more about that on a seperate post of yours, and just hope that if you did choose to endure another strike that you at least get to read these from me first. Please think of everything. -CC

How long after arriving there did you start to have these problems with the staff? I have kept up with your blog website also for quite some time, and know that you have been going through alot for along time. I hate to hear that you are stuck in such an uncomfortable place to "live" and I dont see how you manage, especially when the average cell along with many solitary years of being alone in a square by yourself and nobody else EVER has been known to drive some crazy, truly insane and mad. No matter who they were before years of the being alone and no form of anything around to focus their minds on other than four walls and a steel door or three walls and some bars. By themselves for years. Ive read too many cases where someone goes in as a normal average citizen who held down a tough, hard job that required being above average intelligence and never had issues with mental problems before and within at least a few years, they start to deteriorate and with each year they grow worse and their behavior more bizarre and unlike the person they WERE before being left in a trap like cage and forgotten by society. Some even still have the support of family and friends and yet still go insane in there. So I dont want to imagine taking the average drow cell and making it more horrible. I try to picture how you even remain comfortable. You definitely have more strength than I, and I admire you for that. Im sure you have seen this happen to people around you there as well. I read about some truly sad cases out of Texas DRow where a man removed both his eyes. Using his HAND. I cannot fathom..... I feel grateful to even read your words that you choose to share with the world here and on your blogsite as well, because once again, you have strength and endurance beyond most people I have ever seen. Dont lose that either! Its rare enough as is! -CC :) (smile)

I am going to just hope that your last BTB blog about love posted on Sept 2nd means that you are thinking more positive about things. I wont know until I do some more reading and see if you followed through or plan on doing another HS. I hope not. I wouldnt. Not another. And I promise its coming from someone who lives with the damage done from such. It began against my will and by the time I could control my life it was almost learned behavior to the point where I had to learn how to even have favorite foods again. Think about it, that takes alot of enjoyment out of the average persons life (haha) because you are right, most people love to eat just as much as you do and losing it would be awful for them. Dont punish yourself when you are already handling the punishment from others that you face each day. That is just doing the job for them, hon. I think you passed on this strike thankfully due to your recent updates even though Im not all caught up and need to stop bouncing around reading here and there through your posts and just read each day from the last post date and work my way backward. (smile) Yes Im a mess. But oh well, thats me! :) I think I have typed enough long winded replies from myself to your blogs for one night, I hope they get to you. It says they will be printed and mailed before Monday September 10th and today is September 6th. Keep writing. Much Luv CC

I know that your loved ones and those that care are not in your shoes, only you truly know even despite your blogs written, what you live with on a daily basis there and only you know what is worth fighting for after so many negative results. I truly hope you make the right decision. I would like to see you pass this up, and not damage your body with another hunger strike, because with each one you do your bones become weak and you yourself become weak and that cant be good for where you are at. stay strong in there, do not fall at your own hand because I believe that would be what they want the most to see there. sadly. I know that you have and are suffering enough as is, I just dont want to see you suffer additionally to that and if you do enough damage to your body with hunger strikes especially to your bones, you will be in alot of pain for the rest of your life with no adequate medical care which would be terrible. I can tell you firsthand how much bone damage due to malnutrition just ONCE has negatively affected me forever, along with things I used to be able to do to stay strong and now I cannot do anything but maybe grow more weak and just hope 50,000 units of weekly taken pills of vitamin D does its job. So just consider if this strike does not produce any results other than your illness and near death, and you go back to a place where you are already suffering immensely, do you really want to think that you added to that suffering plus came close to giving your loved ones their biggest fear in losing you forever?? Do not think lightly about letting the state drive you to do this to yourself. Its a possible slow suicide. And from what I know from reading your words here and at your other blog, you are a very caring realistic man who hates to see others harmed and puts those you care about before yourself also.... so even though as said earlier in my other reply, yes Id probably do the same in the position maybe once or twice at the same time, I also let you know that Im not known for always having made the best of decisions and am probably lucky to even be alive today as is! And Im not even thirty yrs old yet. I just wanted to throw out a few things to consider, I hope nothing sounded rude or harsh cos I truly never mean it that way. I just hate to see anything happen to someone like you- going by who I see when I read years worth of your posts on blogs. Peace! -CC

You sound so much like me because I also feel that rather than feed me tons of lies that turn out to be cruel jokes after years of believing in them, Id much rather just be told NOTHING rather than any sorta BS. I am also one of those people who are so into reality that it causes me problems (haha no joke though, it really does, because I take things seriously that others ignore or cannot see etc) but Id rather be stuck in reality rather than lost in a dreamworld because that dreamworld that some are so lost in everyday is not going to be any sort of safety net one day when reality does strike, for sure. Maybe that is when everyone will cut me a break on being "so serious" about everything. I find nothing wrong with that due to the issues I support and the projects I help happen and other unjust happenings around our country that I constantly research/find like crazy that some (most) have never even heard of in their lives. Nor would they ever look for them, they think I only search for the negative but Im honestly searching for the truth most of the time. I have no time to waste, just as you dont, on being in a dream world that wraps me in a blanket of lies and false promises with a lot of empty, broken hopes later on down the road somewhere. At least I dont ever have to be surprised or shocked in some cruel way. Ive had enough of that, thanks, pass me up. Ill just stay right here deep in reality. (smile) As for your hunger strike, I cant say I dont agree with those who want to talk you out of it, I would too if I was a caring friend or loved one. They have saw you come too close to death already and plus, it would leave the same result which is you left to die on DRow. I hate to see you rush that and make it happen any sooner then possibly miss out on positive changes that occur later on regarding the death penalty etc....I know I know Im supposedly so realistic (smile) but remember I did say that doesnt mean NEGATIVE (smile) and plus, realistic or not Im also kind, compassionate to others around me in this cold world, and want you to look at the bright side of things too, even though Im sure Id be reacting just like you are right now in response to this. Honestly. But Im not known for making the best of decisions I will admit. Just think about things. Be good! -CC

I hated to hear that others besides you were affected by the old pen pal ad ordeal.... I happen to know of several sites where the people who started them up run everything really well for years one that used to be very popular was even up and going smooth for over a decade and then I guess they just abandon them or never update them even if they need to or should. At least most websites from long ago/outdated/not being used any longer end up disappearing from the net these days. But some still are around on google and other search sites which makes info STILL show up even though it was last posted/written in as early as 1997 and then abandoned from the looks of it since 2005. I do not know why the site continues to run, with no one to even contact to remove their ads and such.....someone still has to be paying the webmaster fee to have it up there but they just are not changing it. Rest assured this is not a site you were ever on, its just a good example of how that still happens unfortunately. And I hated to hear that so many got in trouble over website owners who post things as personal as pen pal ads and never think to update/check up with the person regarding their status. Overall though, alot of the old websites are disappearing and thank God the few that are not are dated or no telling what would happen. Although it does suck that there are people finding these ads and writing to the addresses only to find out later that the ad was 10 yrs old and the person is no longer at that institution or that address, etc. I hope your new blog is going well and that everything for you regarding your hope for a truce and otherwise is well also. Sending the best of wishes and also, thanks for including a entry about Milo Rose on your original blog site, Ive found his case very interesting and have replied to him via this website also. (BTB) Take care Ronnie, please! -CC 9-6-2012

Hi Ronnie, I hope all is well with you and wanted to let you know I have been reading your blog(s)....before this one (and your new one) I read the old one you had at blogspot I believe? Before recently moving to wordpress? If Im wrong, my apologies but I have been a reader for awhile. I just want to wish you well with whatever ends up happening through this ordeal, by now hopefully you have gotten some sort of an answer. Thats why I wanted to send my best of wishes your direction. I would miss reading your thoughts on your blog, etc but if you had to stop writing totally no matter what its focused on, then I know its in your best interest due to the conditions and especially your Mother. I support you no matter what happens and hope that things will get much better soon. I may contact you through snail mail, I have thought about it before but was afraid it would not reach you because of the mail issues. Has that now changed and gotten better? Hopefully. Please take care. -CC

I hope you are doing well lately with the depression, as well as you can be anyway due to the circumstances. I would be upset too. I am even upset at your situation with/for you. As people should be upset at such! I once had issues with major depressive disorder where bouts of depression can come over you for maybe a few days or even a year entirely and you dont want to do anything but go numb or get upset because you feel so out of control of everything. Then it passes. since it was an actual diagnosis, Im sure Im just going thru a time when its passed on and not hanging over my head but God forbid it return I at least hope it moves on quickly. I have read major depression is worse than the well known bipolar disorder where one is happy one second upset the next etc. Please do all you can do to stay positive, although I know its hard. I truly do know. More than you would imagine even though I was just born the same year you went to court. I just want you to know you do have readers on your side and who think of you and wish you the best. Ive added a few new readers for you, thankfully. I hope they will send you their comments/thoughts. Please take care of yourself, although its hard for me to send best wishes as I know Id feel the same as you in the situation you are in. We sound alot alike. I understand and however will admit, I dont want to know what my depression/upsetting feelings would be like if I had lived with injustice for so long. I admire your strength, please never forget this and know that. Much Love, CC

Were you able to recognize or get a look at the person who attacked you the same day? I also forgot to ask that. -CC

Milo, you mentioned you had been attacked also that same day? I know you said you would go into that in a future blog but I was wanting to ask more about it, anyway. (smile, sorry if I am nosy but I am interested in whats happened in this case and wish I had heard about it sooner) Your injuries sounded severe such as a blow to the back of the head which can cause some serious damage....did you ever get that looked into or were you denied the right to medical care that was decent?? I hope you were not hurt in a way that has continued to affect you badly. I suffered a head injury and have suffered from tonic-clonic seizures ever since. Yet before my head injury was brought up, it took forever for the neurologist to rule out epilepsy which was ruled out 100 percent yet the EEG (brain scan) showed what appeared to be "scar tissue" as they said at the front of the skull.....Ive not had another EEG since due to insurance reasons (which isnt surprising!) but hopefully it IS scar tissue and not something that has grown, something worse. But luckily I think I am fine, as it has been years since that first scan. Also, when you mentioned the broken nose and blow to the back of the head- I know my cousin once received a blow to the back of the head so severe it broke her nose and blacked both her eyes from the hit to the BACK of her head!! She never had to be struck in the front at all, due to the severity of the blow to the back which caused what they call a HINGE FRACTURE. She too has problems until this day with vision, depression, personality change since the attack, etc. Sounds as if you are lucky to be alive especially coming from someone who has firsthand experienced a head injury and also helped nurse a relative (cousin with hinge fracture) who ended up in the CCU (critical care unit, worse than the intensive care unit) and wasnt even expected to live!! Thank God she has, but she has totally changed personality wise like a total different person. No kidding. I still love her, and am there for her though always. You said in this entry you have no one to call anyway, what happened to any family you have? Are they out of the US or have you lost contact with them? Wishing you the best and my apologies if my long winded reply and questions are annoying! Take care! -CC