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When referring to the feeling deep within my soul that was not originally my own thought entirely, I wanted to elaborate a bit: Its as if my creator who knows me better than any of my worldly friends/loved ones as he made me, knows I am capable of reaching the limits that even I do not feel strong enough to do. Its almost as if its a very strong pull that has been getting heavier with time. There are many things that occured (medically, due to my stupid actions before I chose to use the right way of thinking, etc) or began a decade ago mainly, that show me that I should not be alive unless its for a reason. So many instances where I was literally unscatched and left with nothing but mental memory of the issues/coming so close to death- and at one time these were not just mental memories but scars that I used as an excuse to suffer from to pity myself. This was 10-13 yrs ago. I truly feel I am being told I am ALIVE and was kept ALIVE because of a bigger purpose meant just for me and the revealing of that, should I take the stroll and meet my Creator halfway and have a heart to heart about it via my soul/self, seems to be pulling me harder lately as if the time is growing more and more near in some way, or maybe I am just exaggerating? However, this is something that I did not ever consider on my own with my own thinking and believing.....its simply as if it started out as a vague pull from my soul but the direction was unknown as was the place it was coming from for a year and a half. Then it only has grown more intense, especially since the end of 2010, start of 2011, and I can no longer ignore it. Maybe He above finally feels I am strong enough inside and out to achieve his meaning for me here on earth? It sure is strong and growing only stronger even when my mind is elsewhere 100 percent. what do you think about this? -CC

This print speaks to me in so many ways, not just for my beliefs in balance that must keep the world on its course, but its beautiful to me. Id love to know more about how to maintain a lifestyle as you do, as I am also living but only for a few years do I have any experience and will always have my weak times when I feel as if I am going to falter, even if I do not want to fall back down. Any advice would be appreciated, even those these times over the past few years have became few and far between, much more rarely do they occur, if anything Ive experienced only 3 of them within over 6 years. One of which I knew was leading me down a negative path inside and I knew to cut the thoughts loose ASAP before they reached deep into my soul and refused to let go- which would only remind me of the past where I did not appreciate all the wonder surrounding me daily. Thanks XRAY for being an inspiration for me to grow in every way possible, it is not always easy to go it alone but I have adjusted in ways that I am proud of but not in a boastful manner. I have grown alot stronger over time but I do believe I could (with advice from one like me and plus the life experiences from here until my life ends on this earth) achieve so so much and even that is not a thought of my own, its a thought deep in my soul that is lacking because I dont know where to turn next to further my beliefs. Any words of wisdom or advice for a new soul that just yrs ago fell into the right place and state of mind through the grace of his love above? -C.C.

Well Alvin I messed up, Jacob is going to 4th grade and will be attending Fairview school again! I just thought Id drop that line to let you know ! Only a few more days and the new baby will be here Sept 4th is the date they have her scheduled for as of now ! Be good SEE YOU SOON!!

I believe that some of the truly best places one can spiritually and mentally be at peace in life are also the hardest to reach, yet when we finally arrive all seems to finally make sense as to WHY? Its as if after a lifetime of climbing a rough mountain, you finally reach the right spot and you learn to use your past pain in a positive way. As long as you have the heart and open your mind and soul to what is calling you out of your own personal created Hell you are dwelling in, its an open invitation for all of us here on Earth. And totally worth the long road traveled to get there and not give up when things arent revealed to us quickly as we impatiently wish they would be. -C.C.

I too, did not get mentally aware of the things I should have long ago appreciated and held onto/noticed years before, etc until wallowing in the dirt and misery of rock bottom for many years myself. This piece literally left me speechless for now and that barely happens with my replies and comments to the blogs I read on here. I will comment in a better more detailed fashion later on, but wanted to let you know that I too did not just get lucky and receive the blessings that were put upon me to learn to work with and use as time went on in my life, I had to go through the hell and suffering to come to my senses first. As nothing is ever easy, nor do I expect it to be that way. Like I said though, overall Im speechless because so much jumped out at me in your words on this post so Ill give a more coherent reply later (smile)- leaving me speechless is pretty hard so feel special! Thanks alot XRAY, you have been a lifesaver for me during my time(s) lately that I have almost slipped up and went back to only relying on my feelings and not my mind AND heart AND soul and the TOOLS/GIFTS I was given from above to work with when I learned how best to do so..... and when you mentioned that among other things, for once I will not be typing a 3000 letter reply (smile) like Im known for doing on this website! Never change, and keep the truth where it matters- in your heart and passing it into the hearts of those who are lost and DONT WANT TO BE LOST as some do. Wow, I am still just overall speechless when it comes to what I really wish to share right now, but there is so much to say that you mentioned that I relate to. Much Luv, C.C.

Ill definitely second that because those are the most important attributes in this world at such a bad time for so many people. To ignore and not show appreciation for those rare but still hanging around GOOD THINGS that are still here around us, all we must do is search and find that they were there all along- overlooked in a negative haze that we experience as human beings from time to time, and as you said meditate on them just as the verse you so well quoted, otherwise Im afraid the goodness left in this entire existence will leave us forgotten as we have forgotten it and failed to appreciate its availability should we just look for the good things in the world, because they are there. Even if some of us have to look deeper than others, anyone can find them when they are most needed and even when least expected- almost as they come as a gift from somewhere higher above than here, somewhere much more special, where everything makes sense and there are no unanswered questions that eat our hearts alive throughout our lifetimes, etc. Anything praiseworthy and of virtue SHOULD be meditated on, otherwise it will not think we desire nor need it any longer in our "lives" and that we have finally became totally uncaring and no longer needing of good things surrounding us. Me, I crave those things around me as a way to feel calm/peace/safety and no anxiety in such shaky times. Thanks again for such a thought provoking blog that says so much with just a statement to ponder, which I found very appropriate for the lives most of us lead in this world when we let the good parts or ourselves go down the drain and far away. You speak volumes without barely speaking, and that is special. -Thanks So Much for your Inspiration and Encouragement that I have received from your blogs, Xray, because they mean tons to me and others too, Much Luv, C.C. (east coast area)

P.S. Know and please do not underestimate (or I doubt Id be making such a big deal of it haha seriously!) the fact that you are appreciated for (being rare and doing what is so hard to find these days which is....) choosing on your own time to try and bring calm kind peace to others as you have for me today only halfway thru my day, at 1:22 pm. So please, always remember: You are also cared about too and always to take care of YOU as well! Thanks so so much, and please dont forget that you have passed on some positivity in a world where it is majorly lacking and growing more sparse daily out here (sadly so), so thanks times 100, XRAY, for your blog post- the 1 Corinthians verse, picture, and mostly of all your encouraging words at such a badly needed time on my end recently. Cos I needed it and was tired of pretending to be strong. I needed to admit that I was falling victim to the negative side because it seems to be winning and making those like I miserable at the same time. Now I want to re-think that and consider it entirely differently. Knowing that there are others like you, XRAY, who think as I do even under hard times and rough circumstances encourages me as well. So please just know that in return for your kindness you have shown through this one blog post, that I will always wish you the very best as well. Keep up the positive vibes, keep them coming for those that need them, because you are helping more than you know and I felt that you deserved the feedback necessary so youd hear that from one of your readers. Take care and much love, sorry for the long reply! -Once Again, C.C. (Aug 19)

Thank you for lifting my spirits up when I happened to truly need it by putting this on your blog. I am going though one of those times in life when too much is happening at once, and I dont know whether Im coming or going half of the time. Seeing your positive message and reinforcement to my sometimes stubborn mind that I am not alone when I feel that I am suffering, or that nobody cares, really meant alot to me and I wanted you to know through this reply. Thank you so much, for on the outside world there is not too much positivity being spread around between human beings lately which is so sad. I can only hope I have not gotten to the point where it has now negatively affected me after years of looking past it and not letting it change my whole demeanor forever. Since my biggest fear is letting negative vibes that are currently spreading like wildfire throughout the USA especially past 10-12 years Ive noticed, change who I am because if that happens, I will make up part of the negative crowd and the positive ones will become even more rare than we already have done! (smile) SO.... Thanks, you encouraging me to look from other directions and viewpoints, despite this tough time. With one piece of paper you managed to change my entire day and outlook at once. I just wanted to let you know that you can always brighten the lives of your readers even if you dont always find out that you did so. I figured Id let you know personally via this blog! Take care and never change the way you are, and I will do my best to stay strong and encouraged by the fact that I am cared about by someone higher than I am who knows what all of this is happening for even though I do not yet know the bigger reasons behind any of it. (smile) I guess at times we can wander astray from our own minds and who we are and who we have been for many years (almost 30 for me now) and forget why we even try. But I refuse to change my ways, even if I am going to be a bit more selective in who I show kindness to and not be naive in such a backwards world. I hate to see such negativity "winning" out here but sadly, it seems to be. (sad face) You have managed to be a bright spot in my day today when I havent had a bright spot hit me in the eyes since the month of May on the 15th when all of this both ended and began for me. Keep me in your prayers and send peace of mind to me as I try and make wise decisions regarding the things Im enduring. I would really appreciate that, and Ill keep you in my best of wishes, kind thoughts, prayers and send kind blessings your way each morning and night as well. Much Luv, C.C.

Thanks for writing! I finished the transcription for your post regarding the CALPIA notice.

Hello again Jenn! I mentioned in my earlier reply about if you had had any issues with hormone(s) or problems adjusting, etc. This blog clears it up for me and I was wondering if I may write you personally for some much needed advice?? I spent almost 28 yrs as a total mess once puberty hit, and my mother and grandmother BOTH had issues with too much testosterone and not enough estrogen, so when they were finally evened out one of them ended up with hormone fed cancer. I know I am at risk for this myself already, but I can no longer deny myself the freedom I deserve in this crazy world and just want to be happy. I am on two very strong medications- one is a form of estrogen and the other intensifies it for the first six months that you take it, then you HAVE to taper off, its that strong and dangerous. I never knew all of this would be so hard to become used to, physically and mentally going through such changes that thankfully are gradually starting to decrease as the months pass by. The rest I would like to possibly write you about, if you would not mind sharing with me your pros/cons of taking estrogen. For me, someone who never knew they were lacking it so badly, its almost a brand new thing for me to experience like being a new person who doesnt hate who they are anymore and truly can FEEL for themselves and others after years of turning cold on the inside due to being misunderstood. I have also been misdiagnosed countless times before and after puberty and will never forgive the doctor(s) and endocronologist who diagnosed me not by a battery of testing and checking levels but simply by saying that since my blood showed insulin resistance, I must have ovarian issues. (??) She diagnosed me with a serious disease at a young age just by looking at me and a diabetes related blood test which within 2-3 yrs later no longer tested as insulin resistant once I lost 30-40 lbs. Perhaps I did have ovarian issues, but not the kind she made my family believe I had so for years I receive the OPPOSITE kind of treatment medically than I should have been getting! It has been one wild ride since age 14 for sure! Just getting people to listen to me and understand was the toughest ever. I need all the advice I can get from not only friends of mine but ANYONE who understands what undergoing hormone therapy or estrogen is truly like. Once again, stay strong and never change! You radiate true beauty and happiness from your true self! Much Luv, CC