My love It’s nearly Thanksgiving - nearly another year has passed. I know I’m way behind in writing - I’ve been sick - enough that I haven’t been to church or to community group (church Bible study) Stupid - just a cold that progressed to a horrendous sinus infection - went to urgent care again last night - he said the antibiotic the other guy gave me wasn’t strong enough so now I have a new one to take plus a steroid and some cough meds. Maybe I’ll feel human soon! I love love love you. Happy Thanksgiving - be sure that I’m thinking of you. All my love - always and all ways....your Jeannie
I just watched your case on the series, I am a Killer. Although I feel like you did commit murder by shooting Darren, I don’t feel like you deserved the death sentence for killing Dennise. I hope you get a retrial and hopefully get to live at least part of your life on the outside. Do you have a date set for your execution?
Sometimes the most heartfelt and sincere apology is rejected. People, especially people impacted by tragedy or terrible acts of violence negate the very idea of an apology as they either feel that it would erase their family member or friend, or is an anathema to them personally, and perhaps they truly feel it is not in their power to grant, they just cannot do it, and that’s an honest response. Perhaps a better route here would be atonement. Living your life as an act of correction for previous conduct. Be a better version of yourself and strive to recognise in others, your prior character that’s caused your life to hurtle towards cataclysm. Catch them before they fall. It is an act of strength to live with a terrible remorse. No one knows but you what that feels like. There perhaps is some mythology that people outside fall easily into that a person like your victim is someone who you rarely consider. That you sit in a cushy jail cell with ‘three hots and a cot’, without thought or notion into how your life and hers collided with such violence. Maybe it is something you will have to say every day of your life, to each and every person who ever confronts you about it. Self confrontation is terrifying. Time is terrifying, and a mind unobserved is terrifying. Atonement, or at one ment, might be a good step and encourage some active thought about pushing ahead. All the best T
Hey Douglas. It’s interesting you would equate the word peace to monthly living expenses, having ‘enough, what you ‘have’ or don’t ‘have. You come into the world with nothing, and when we die who wants to be the richest guy in the graveyard? I expect you mean like peace of mind, the ability to sleep well because the wolf is away from the door. Thinking over my life I have always worried about money, I’ve never had any. We rent, and I don’t think I’ve ever had a month when there was spare cash after. In the U.K. it has become very ‘trendy’ for rich footballers to get attacked and robbed because they go on Instagram and show off their $200,000 watch, then post their locations, so the local ‘scrote’ will get on his bike and relieve him of it. Can you imagine that, on your wrist, something that costs the same as a house? . Death is coming for everyone, no one escapes death. The when or where or why, that’s up in the air. My own best friend went to the doctor with a bad cough, same day she was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given THREE days to live, she lived nine days. Everything that sucks air or water right now has a time for reincarnation. A bee lives a month and spends its entire life participating in the work of a hive, a domestic ant can live a remarkable 15 years, again works well with others. - “We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living but not a life. We've added years to life, not life to years” George Carlin. I interpret peace as the ability to live without experiencing fear. When the bill lands, you don’t get that stab of fear in your chest. If your kid is late home you don’t descent into worse case scenario thinking. Instead of thinking ‘what if what if’ all the time, you think ‘why not? If the house next door goes up for sale I don’t start thinking my rent will rise. Well that’s a lie, I still do panic! You can choose peace in a moment, in your mind. Don’t have to wear white robes and ting a little bells smiling beatifically. You watch your body is doin inside, get real about how fast your heart is beating, if your thoughts are racing, or are you breathing too fast and spend a minute taking back control. The jail might own your shell and make decisions for it, but what goes on inside is all you. Being overwhelmed is a fatal mix. The most together looking/sounding person can become overwhelmed. Control the things you can change, and accept the things you can’t, easier said that done, You may feel you are ‘nowhere’ in life, but two million of your fellow Americans are there with you. It’s a place. Perhaps outside you would have passed already, perhaps death row extended your life, in an ironic way.? Like I said to another blogger on here, I can’t download case notes because it is prohibitively expensive to do from here in London. T
RSS
It’s nearly Thanksgiving - nearly another year has passed.
I know I’m way behind in writing - I’ve been sick - enough that I haven’t been to church or to community group (church Bible study)
Stupid - just a cold that progressed to a horrendous sinus infection - went to urgent care again last night - he said the antibiotic the other guy gave me wasn’t strong enough so now I have a new one to take plus a steroid and some cough meds. Maybe I’ll feel human soon!
I love love love you. Happy Thanksgiving - be sure that I’m thinking of you.
All my love - always and all ways....your Jeannie
PS - I’ll try to at least send a card soon.
You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers.
Tina
Perhaps a better route here would be atonement. Living your life as an act of correction for previous conduct. Be a better version of yourself and strive to recognise in others, your prior character that’s caused your life to hurtle towards cataclysm. Catch them before they fall.
It is an act of strength to live with a terrible remorse. No one knows but you what that feels like. There perhaps is some mythology that people outside fall easily into that a person like your victim is someone who you rarely consider. That you sit in a cushy jail cell with ‘three hots and a cot’, without thought or notion into how your life and hers collided with such violence. Maybe it is something you will have to say every day of your life, to each and every person who ever confronts you about it. Self confrontation is terrifying. Time is terrifying, and a mind unobserved is terrifying.
Atonement, or at one ment, might be a good step and encourage some active thought about pushing ahead.
All the best
T
It’s interesting you would equate the word peace to monthly living expenses, having ‘enough, what you ‘have’ or don’t ‘have. You come into the world with nothing, and when we die who wants to be the richest guy in the graveyard? I expect you mean like peace of mind, the ability to sleep well because the wolf is away from the door. Thinking over my life I have always worried about money, I’ve never had any. We rent, and I don’t think I’ve ever had a month when there was spare cash after. In the U.K. it has become very ‘trendy’ for rich footballers to get attacked and robbed because they go on Instagram and show off their $200,000 watch, then post their locations, so the local ‘scrote’ will get on his bike and relieve him of it. Can you imagine that, on your wrist, something that costs the same as a house?
. Death is coming for everyone, no one escapes death. The when or where or why, that’s up in the air. My own best friend went to the doctor with a bad cough, same day she was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given THREE days to live, she lived nine days. Everything that sucks air or water right now has a time for reincarnation. A bee lives a month and spends its entire life participating in the work of a hive, a domestic ant can live a remarkable 15 years, again works well with others. - “We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living but not a life. We've added years to life, not life to years” George Carlin.
I interpret peace as the ability to live without experiencing fear. When the bill lands, you don’t get that stab of fear in your chest. If your kid is late home you don’t descent into worse case scenario thinking. Instead of thinking ‘what if what if’ all the time, you think ‘why not? If the house next door goes up for sale I don’t start thinking my rent will rise. Well that’s a lie, I still do panic! You can choose peace in a moment, in your mind. Don’t have to wear white robes and ting a little bells smiling beatifically. You watch your body is doin inside, get real about how fast your heart is beating, if your thoughts are racing, or are you breathing too fast and spend a minute taking back control. The jail might own your shell and make decisions for it, but what goes on inside is all you. Being overwhelmed is a fatal mix. The most together looking/sounding person can become overwhelmed. Control the things you can change, and accept the things you can’t, easier said that done, You may feel you are ‘nowhere’ in life, but two million of your fellow Americans are there with you. It’s a place. Perhaps outside you would have passed already, perhaps death row extended your life, in an ironic way.? Like I said to another blogger on here, I can’t download case notes because it is prohibitively expensive to do from here in London.
T