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HI REC JUST TO LET YOU KNOW I GOT THIS B H T B FROM PATTY. TALK TO HER EVER SAT. THANKS FOR THE NUMBER. I NEED TO SEE ART ON TUBE. CATCH YOU LATTER, YOUR OLDEST FRIND.

Thanks Mate ( I'm replying to this post on my phone... I went to add 'Nate' there but my auto correct made it mate) SO my mate Nate... Thank you for thinking of of. I have completed all of the psychology subjects I'll be doing & am just doing criminology and a little sociology in the next 6 months. I wish I'd found btb earlier and I could have utilized this marvellous resource so much more :)

Take care! Nicki

Patrick:

I am aware of the difficult deck of cards God dealt you. I am impressed with how you maintain an attitude of gratitude. You are giving special and unique gifts to the world. I sincerely doubt that I would have remained as resilient as you have in the face of all your adversities. Thank you for your Thanksgiving week written gift on LOVE and for the friend who transcribed it for you. It deserved perfect frame.

Your friend,

Grace

Hi Andy, thanks for your reply! I understand how these things can be frustrating - I feel the same sometimes. Thanks for the holiday wishes - it is very cold here in the UK at the moment and I am wrapped up in a duvet typing this. Brr.

Fingers crossed for that Ferrari! :D

Elizabeth-Anne

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He said in his post that he did not know where I was when he was raped, beaten, tried to commit suicide and in icu, etc due to being in prison. The prison does not call me when things happen and it is always long after the event that I hear about it. When he was in a prison in Texas I talked to multiple people at the prison and begged for a visit. I cried and asked her why I was being punished. She said well I could take it like that if I wanted to but I was never going to be given approval to visit. I cried an entire weekend over it. I told her I did not commit a crime but I was being treated that way. I told her that I had not seen him all the years he had been in because I was always told the same thing from every prison and he has been in several. What can we expect from a FEDERAL PRISON though? When it comes to the federal government they figure out how to do whatever they feel like doing and we just have to live with it. Maybe someone reading this will tell me how to get this changed so that I can visit in January. With things in the world happening the way that they are and based on what is in the bible I worry that it will happen. The world will finally end. We have had disasters, famine, pestilence, disease, and other things and it is all lining up like the predictions of the book of revelations. My son says he is an atheist and will probably have a chuckle at my belief but I do believe in God and when positive things happen in my life I say thank you to God. Even when it is something as simple as making it through a green light on city streets. So I need to close now. It is wonderful to have this place to post and to know that my son will eventually see it. I do not know if I can do anything that will truly mend his mind and his heart about the way that he feels and thinks about me. For now this is about all I can do though.

I had a very abusive relationship where I was beaten and degraded. Finally I had my son. I stopped dating when he was born. I went back to school and he was my world for years. Everything that I did, every hour that I worked, everything that we both endured was nothing compared to how much I loved him. When he lost trust in me and began to turn on me it was the worst thing that had ever happened to me. I lost him long before he was actually physically away from me. He used to tell me that I was with him physically but not emotionally. He said I was vacant. That was the only way that I knew how to be. I never had loving parents or family members so I never learned how to love and take care of someone. It does not make the ache in my heart any less because he is lost to me and although he says he loves me I know that he has a lot of hate and anger toward me. There were times when I thought he might kill me. I was afraid of him. There were times when he rushed at me and knocked me down. There were times when he hit me with his fist because he did not like what I did or said. He was a large teenager and adult and I could not defend myself against that. I never blamed him though and I never stopped loving him. He grew up in an unstable environment. My solution to fix things every time he got into serious trouble was to move. I took him away from schools, family, friends, etc and he cannot be blamed for the resentment that he has against me. To me I was saving him. I was doing the right thing. I now understand that I gradually destroyed him and would really love to take it all back. I want to visit him now and will be contacting authorities again in January about doing that.