My love Sunday night - nearly midnight...I remember we would be downtown, just hanging out...walking around aimlessly - mostly looking for trouble - lol. Do you recall the ‘dairies’ out in West Sac - we’d bring home sandwich stuff and chips and cookies for Cella and the little boys....funny how I don’t remember Linda being there, but she must have been - she was only about 12 or 13 then. Guess that’s what happens when we get old - selective memories. I choose to remember (and romanticize) those times. You’re right - we were - are - crazy...we could have had it all - but instead we threw it away - multiple times....we are so lucky to have this last chance. Safe - yes - you always made me feel safe...even when we argued, I knew that you’d never touch me violently - and that you’d die before you let anything hurt me. I’ve always had a hang up about being safe and secure - so odd when you think about how fearless I acted - lol I love you. Always and forever....I know you won’t get this until way after Christmas, but Merry Christmas anyway. I’ll mail your card this week... Love - always and all ways Your Jeannie
I just watched Your story on the Netflix series: I am a killer and although You did kill Darren, I don't feel You deserved death, as like You said, the hospital killed Denise, so good luck and I hope you one day get offered a chance to come off death row and have a chance to get your sentence reduced to a life sentence! Peace out and God bless You My brother! Love your long distance brother from England: Kye
Hello Douglas. I find as I get older I become far more introverted and taciturn I can't talk for talking sake. I recently fell out with an ex friend who drive me absolutely mad with her incessant gossiping and inane chat. Any kind of pause in conversation would induce her to babble a way, she drove me crazy. She was quite a compassionless toxic person, she seriously crossed a line with me a few months back and I struck out, verbally, I;m usually a doormat, so that was that, so we don’t have to put up with her this Christmas, which sounds heartless, but, boy, If you met her!! Conversely, I do enjoy earwigging other peoples conversations. People talk loudly on their phones in public, in the Mall, or in the street, and sometime have the most inappropriate conversations out loud. I’ve actually burst out laughing listening to someone’s ‘private’ conversation, and got a dark look back off them! Is the row a quiet place. I often read that jail is quite noisy, night and day, and they say that the row is the safest place to be in jail, because people don’t have anything to prove or prove in people? Speaking as someone who doesn't like spending time in their own head (I don't meditiate) I think that solitary confinement would send me insane quite quickly. There is a book I recently read produced in the USA with accompanying DVD called In the timeless time. It was written in 1979 when Texas stopped executions for a decade. And on this particular row documentaries logged the conversation and behaviour of the inmstes. In such a stultifying regime the inmates got quite creative and sneaky! Some of the guards were just a nightmare, a lot of power plays which was sad. But some were briliisnt, trying to make the best of a bad environment. Among the blogs here and on other innate contact t sites, when I have looked into what the guy actually done to get jailed sometimes I am absolutely appalled by their actions. There are some horrors of humanity there and I am glad they have walls around them and they will forever be removed from the world. There is a price to be paid for a bad start in life, and the people who should pay it never do. The mental strain on people living in the row is beyond my comprehension, there is a great strength to live carrying remorse. And with the weight of a sentence . Thing with preachers and all those sort of people they never truly understand the implications of making the wrong choice of doing something because it's easy. They have the Bible or Talmud or Koran and refer back to that, but life doesn't happen between the paragraphs or sentences of a page in a book, it happens between heartbeats. You sound strong to me, and in control of yourself and observant of others. Things may get lost in translation sometimes, but we breathe the same air. Happy New year T
Hello Douglas Hope you are enjoying the Christmas season. As Buddhists we don't celebrate, or I say that but as I have children we do buy them presents and tuff to open on the day because of the friends they have who also get stuff. I cook a Christmas dinner and we sit in front of the television all day because the shops are shut! This year will soon end and we will be into another decade. I am quite addicted to Netflix at the momemt. Loads of movies, series and documentaries. In the UK we have to pay for UK station the BBC, and now there are all these pay tv companies like Amazon prime, Apple 🍎now TV all trying to clear out our wallets. Lots of choice and .no choice at the same time. When I was younger, here in the UK there was only three television stations! It's weird that a device has so much control over a person's life, so influential. Well we just had our election, and the Conservative got in again. Honestly I am too old to care what they do. I see Trumps impeachment seems to be going full steam ahead. I am sure I read that if he is accused of anything he has the power to pardon himself? These are strange days. It's like the worst of the worst are in charge of things. Have you watched the programme 60 days in? They sneak people into county jail so they can report from the inside what jail is like and how drugs etc are getting smuggled about. Very violent environment. UK jail isn't like that we don't have the colour and the gangs bollocks. I expect it will come though. We tend to copy the USA. How can people change when they are placed in a hostile microcosm that has its own rules and laws? It's a system doomed to fail. But no one cares because they don't want to see no at spent on it. Hopefully they send this today and you get it qyickly. Have a great Christmas and Happy New Year. All the best T
Hello my love It’s Sunday evening - sky has been clear most of the day - but relatively cold. I made it to church today - had to leave my sweater in the car - they always have the heat on in the building - probably wouldn’t be so bad, but the people add extra heat. I’m not the only one who feels it - the lady who sits in front of me is usually fanning herself too :) I was right the other night - internet went down right after I saved the first half of this message. By the time it came back up I was sleeping- it seems like it takes forever! I’m sorry you didn’t get your birthday card in time for your birthday - I’ll probably mail it tomorrow or Tuesday - hopefully you’ll get it before Christmas! I love you - gonna go to bed and pretend you’re there to snuggle with....hope you’re feeling well Always your Jeannie
Dearest Guy It is Lyn writing to you. I have missed our letters. We had to suddenly move around 15 months ago, our lease was not renewed and we were so close to being homeless We have a lot older and smaller house, but only half the rent at $260.00 a week. Our new address is: 11 Alan Crescent, Burton, South Australia, Australia We don’t have a lot of money, but I will send you what I can after Christmas for stamps. I will write soon. Your friend always, Lynette Brunato
Hello Christopher. Unfortunately there was a big portion of your letter that was blanked out,a third of the way down on the first letter. probably a copying error, or printing. Anyway. I'm glad you got the Iyanla Vanzant quote. I love that woman and everything she says, I have every one of her books. So much wisdom given and she has had such a hard challenging life. Bishop T D Jakes is another one. He says ‘ I think the first step is to understand that forgiveness does not exonerate the perpetrator. Forgiveness liberates the victim. It's a gift you give yourself.” Atonement is very much a part of that. Congratulations on passing the PLUS course. Nice one. Keeping your mind pointing forward and working to get out of prison eventually, a you should do. Trouble with forgiveness is that some people just cant. Others look at it as a form of weakness. And perhaps letting their loved one down in some way.Unfortunately in my experience it always seemed to be those who profess a Christian belief, yet are unable to adhere to the basic of the precepts, to forgive and love. I would ask you to reach out to this family, if only to let them know that they are in your thoughts and prayers. So in light of that create your own atonement. Live your life better. Few of us are the same people we were ten, twenty, thirty years old, it is inane to assume we were. We all change, true, some people get worse, but most improve with time, like good wine. Perhaps try and reach out again to that particular C.O.s family. He who dares, as they say. Are there any reparation courses run from jail where a second party, maybe a chaplain or preacher could act as a go between to start up a dialogue between you all? We Buddhists say that holding into hate is like holding a hot coal in your hand and expecting someone else to get burned. It may be helpful to them. But it comes down to the fact that we here on the outside have absolutely no comprehension about what living inside a correctional facility is like, and it’s effects on a person who finds themselves within this ‘microcosm’ with completely new rules and customs and violence. Coupled with the onus of living with remorse. In another photo of you I saw some dreadlocks, what happened to them? Well keep on keeping on. I hope you have a great Christmas and hear from you in the New Year. Have a great one. T
Hello Antoine. Great that you responded. Yes I am in the U.K., I live 25 miles outside London. Not a great place to live, high crime and we now have gangs, they are known as country lines gangs, kids get caught up in their shenanigans which usually end in death and stabbing. They use children to cross country lines to deal dope. In the U.K. you aren’t criminally responsible until you are ten. Then between ten and seventeen it’s lax too. Gun ownership is very controlled here. People do get their hands on guns, but the sentencing for being in receipt of one, usually puts people off, so we are lucky in that respect. Nature is weird isn’t it. In the animal kingdom the male is usually prettier than the female. Like Peacocks and peahens, ducks, lions. Seahorses are interesting because the male looks after the child. And did you know that pigeons are monogamists. The pigeon only has one partner. I have a friend who hates pigeons he calls them skyrats! I try to avoid surgery when I can. I actually removed my own wisdom teeth with pliers at home rather than face the dentist. Didn’t hurt a bit. The surgery I had last month was an emergency. And I was in so much pain I was just saying to the anesthetiser guy, just knock me out!! I got another scan Thursday 19th Dec, might need more surgery. This is the problem with ageing, you are like a car, things fall off, get blocked, need replacing. I wrote this before to another inmate, the human being is only supposed to last about 40 years, it is just medical advancement and chemistry that has made us live longer. Came from a hard drinking Irish family. My mum was one of 12 kids, one of my aunties had 21 children. My mum and dad were heavy drinkers/alcoholic but both kicked the drinking in their 50’s. I never really had the taste for it, just binge drank when I was young, but I couldn’t put up with the hangovers!. If you thought the price of shoes was bad when you were last out, you should see it now. Especially with Kanye’s Yeezy brand, shoes going from several thousand dollars now. Rubber, and material and some laces, crazy money. Designing shoes is a great idea. And clothing too. I don’t know if you remember the trend for wearing jeans that slipped down to show your pants, Ice Cube and other rappers dressed like that as a throwback to jail where they take your belt and shoelaces away from you. Crime is a big seller now, many programmes on television monetising crime. Why as an ex con (God willing soon) you shouldn’t have your experience mean something, rather than something you have to hide? Do ALL the programmes they offer you, jump through all the hoops. You have to work your way out of there. Design some sneakers, send your ideas to the big names, Nike Converse Vans, shoes with an inmate twist, even incorporating your cross stitching designs. It’s Saturday 14th December, so you’ll probably get this by Christmas so I wish you and your loved ones a great Christmas and a Hapoy New Year 2020
RSS
Sunday night - nearly midnight...I remember we would be downtown, just hanging out...walking around aimlessly - mostly looking for trouble - lol.
Do you recall the ‘dairies’ out in West Sac - we’d bring home sandwich stuff and chips and cookies for Cella and the little boys....funny how I don’t remember Linda being there, but she must have been - she was only about 12 or 13 then.
Guess that’s what happens when we get old - selective memories. I choose to remember (and romanticize) those times.
You’re right - we were - are - crazy...we could have had it all - but instead we threw it away - multiple times....we are so lucky to have this last chance.
Safe - yes - you always made me feel safe...even when we argued, I knew that you’d never touch me violently - and that you’d die before you let anything hurt me. I’ve always had a hang up about being safe and secure - so odd when you think about how fearless I acted - lol
I love you. Always and forever....I know you won’t get this until way after Christmas, but Merry Christmas anyway. I’ll mail your card this week...
Love - always and all ways
Your Jeannie
Peace out and God bless You My brother!
Love your long distance brother from England: Kye
I find as I get older I become far more introverted and taciturn I can't talk for talking sake. I recently fell out with an ex friend who drive me absolutely mad with her incessant gossiping and inane chat. Any kind of pause in conversation would induce her to babble a way, she drove me crazy. She was quite a compassionless toxic person, she seriously crossed a line with me a few months back and I struck out, verbally, I;m usually a doormat, so that was that, so we don’t have to put up with her this Christmas, which sounds heartless, but, boy, If you met her!! Conversely, I do enjoy earwigging other peoples conversations. People talk loudly on their phones in public, in the Mall, or in the street, and sometime have the most inappropriate conversations out loud. I’ve actually burst out laughing listening to someone’s ‘private’ conversation, and got a dark look back off them!
Is the row a quiet place. I often read that jail is quite noisy, night and day, and they say that the row is the safest place to be in jail, because people don’t have anything to prove or prove in people? Speaking as someone who doesn't like spending time in their own head (I don't meditiate) I think that solitary confinement would send me insane quite quickly. There is a book I recently read produced in the USA with accompanying DVD called In the timeless time. It was written in 1979 when Texas stopped executions for a decade. And on this particular row documentaries logged the conversation and behaviour of the inmstes. In such a stultifying regime the inmates got quite creative and sneaky! Some of the guards were just a nightmare, a lot of power plays which was sad. But some were briliisnt, trying to make the best of a bad environment.
Among the blogs here and on other innate contact t sites, when I have looked into what the guy actually done to get jailed sometimes I am absolutely appalled by their actions. There are some horrors of humanity there and I am glad they have walls around them and they will forever be removed from the world. There is a price to be paid for a bad start in life, and the people who should pay it never do. The mental strain on people living in the row is beyond my comprehension, there is a great strength to live carrying remorse. And with the weight of a sentence .
Thing with preachers and all those sort of people they never truly understand the implications of making the wrong choice of doing something because it's easy. They have the Bible or Talmud or Koran and refer back to that, but life doesn't happen between the paragraphs or sentences of a page in a book, it happens between heartbeats. You sound strong to me, and in control of yourself and observant of others. Things may get lost in translation sometimes, but we breathe the same air.
Happy New year
T
Hope you are enjoying the Christmas season. As Buddhists we don't celebrate, or I say that but as I have children we do buy them presents and tuff to open on the day because of the friends they have who also get stuff. I cook a Christmas dinner and we sit in front of the television all day because the shops are shut! This year will soon end and we will be into another decade.
I am quite addicted to Netflix at the momemt. Loads of movies, series and documentaries. In the UK we have to pay for UK station the BBC, and now there are all these pay tv companies like Amazon prime, Apple 🍎now TV all trying to clear out our wallets. Lots of choice and .no choice at the same time. When I was younger, here in the UK there was only three television stations! It's weird that a device has so much control over a person's life, so influential.
Well we just had our election, and the Conservative got in again. Honestly I am too old to care what they do. I see Trumps impeachment seems to be going full steam ahead. I am sure I read that if he is accused of anything he has the power to pardon himself? These are strange days. It's like the worst of the worst are in charge of things. Have you watched the programme 60 days in? They sneak people into county jail so they can report from the inside what jail is like and how drugs etc are getting smuggled about. Very violent environment. UK jail isn't like that we don't have the colour and the gangs bollocks. I expect it will come though. We tend to copy the USA. How can people change when they are placed in a hostile microcosm that has its own rules and laws? It's a system doomed to fail. But no one cares because they don't want to see no at spent on it.
Hopefully they send this today and you get it qyickly. Have a great Christmas and Happy New Year.
All the best
T
It’s Sunday evening - sky has been clear most of the day - but relatively cold. I made it to church today - had to leave my sweater in the car - they always have the heat on in the building - probably wouldn’t be so bad, but the people add extra heat. I’m not the only one who feels it - the lady who sits in front of me is usually fanning herself too :)
I was right the other night - internet went down right after I saved the first half of this message. By the time it came back up I was sleeping- it seems like it takes forever!
I’m sorry you didn’t get your birthday card in time for your birthday - I’ll probably mail it tomorrow or Tuesday - hopefully you’ll get it before Christmas!
I love you - gonna go to bed and pretend you’re there to snuggle with....hope you’re feeling well
Always your Jeannie
It is Lyn writing to you. I have missed our letters. We had to suddenly move around 15 months ago, our lease was not renewed and we were so close to being homeless
We have a lot older and smaller house, but only half the rent at $260.00 a week.
Our new address is: 11 Alan Crescent, Burton, South Australia, Australia
We don’t have a lot of money, but I will send you what I can after Christmas for stamps.
I will write soon.
Your friend always, Lynette Brunato
Unfortunately there was a big portion of your letter that was blanked out,a third of the way down on the first letter. probably a copying error, or printing.
Anyway. I'm glad you got the Iyanla Vanzant quote. I love that woman and everything she says, I have every one of her books. So much wisdom given and she has had such a hard challenging life.
Bishop T D Jakes is another one. He says ‘ I think the first step is to understand that forgiveness does not exonerate the perpetrator. Forgiveness liberates the victim. It's a gift you give yourself.” Atonement is very much a part of that.
Congratulations on passing the PLUS course. Nice one. Keeping your mind pointing forward and working to get out of prison eventually, a you should do.
Trouble with forgiveness is that some people just cant. Others look at it as a form of weakness. And perhaps letting their loved one down in some way.Unfortunately in my experience it always seemed to be those who profess a Christian belief, yet are unable to adhere to the basic of the precepts, to forgive and love. I would ask you to reach out to this family, if only to let them know that they are in your thoughts and prayers. So in light of that create your own atonement. Live your life better. Few of us are the same people we were ten, twenty, thirty years old, it is inane to assume we were. We all change, true, some people get worse, but most improve with time, like good wine. Perhaps try and reach out again to that particular C.O.s family. He who dares, as they say. Are there any reparation courses run from jail where a second party, maybe a chaplain or preacher could act as a go between to start up a dialogue between you all? We Buddhists say that holding into hate is like holding a hot coal in your hand and expecting someone else to get burned. It may be helpful to them.
But it comes down to the fact that we here on the outside have absolutely no comprehension about what living inside a correctional facility is like, and it’s effects on a person who finds themselves within this ‘microcosm’ with completely new rules and customs and violence. Coupled with the onus of living with remorse.
In another photo of you I saw some dreadlocks, what happened to them?
Well keep on keeping on. I hope you have a great Christmas and hear from you in the New Year. Have a great one.
T
Great that you responded. Yes I am in the U.K., I live 25 miles outside London. Not a great place to live, high crime and we now have gangs, they are known as country lines gangs, kids get caught up in their shenanigans which usually end in death and stabbing. They use children to cross country lines to deal dope. In the U.K. you aren’t criminally responsible until you are ten. Then between ten and seventeen it’s lax too. Gun ownership is very controlled here. People do get their hands on guns, but the sentencing for being in receipt of one, usually puts people off, so we are lucky in that respect.
Nature is weird isn’t it. In the animal kingdom the male is usually prettier than the female. Like Peacocks and peahens, ducks, lions. Seahorses are interesting because the male looks after the child. And did you know that pigeons are monogamists. The pigeon only has one partner. I have a friend who hates pigeons he calls them skyrats!
I try to avoid surgery when I can. I actually removed my own wisdom teeth with pliers at home rather than face the dentist. Didn’t hurt a bit. The surgery I had last month was an emergency. And I was in so much pain I was just saying to the anesthetiser guy, just knock me out!! I got another scan Thursday 19th Dec, might need more surgery. This is the problem with ageing, you are like a car, things fall off, get blocked, need replacing. I wrote this before to another inmate, the human being is only supposed to last about 40 years, it is just medical advancement and chemistry that has made us live longer.
Came from a hard drinking Irish family. My mum was one of 12 kids, one of my aunties had 21 children. My mum and dad were heavy drinkers/alcoholic but both kicked the drinking in their 50’s. I never really had the taste for it, just binge drank when I was young, but I couldn’t put up with the hangovers!.
If you thought the price of shoes was bad when you were last out, you should see it now. Especially with Kanye’s Yeezy brand, shoes going from several thousand dollars now. Rubber, and material and some laces, crazy money.
Designing shoes is a great idea. And clothing too. I don’t know if you remember the trend for wearing jeans that slipped down to show your pants, Ice Cube and other rappers dressed like that as a throwback to jail where they take your belt and shoelaces away from you. Crime is a big seller now, many programmes on television monetising crime. Why as an ex con (God willing soon) you shouldn’t have your experience mean something, rather than something you have to hide? Do ALL the programmes they offer you, jump through all the hoops. You have to work your way out of there. Design some sneakers, send your ideas to the big names, Nike Converse Vans, shoes with an inmate twist, even incorporating your cross stitching designs.
It’s Saturday 14th December, so you’ll probably get this by Christmas so I wish you and your loved ones a great Christmas and a Hapoy New Year 2020